Occuptional Therapist

[Karian]

I have been seeing my therapist 1-2 a month since May,
up until now we have done very very little, But she was into day
and has set tasks for me and to say I am anxious is the understatement of the century,
While she was saying it, I was nipping myself to stop myself from crying

She wanted me to walk half way up the street and back her next visit :O
told her no chance, sitting on my front step is fine, but no way am I walking up and down the street.
Then she has said she wants me to start dealing with the anxiety, if it was as easy as that I wouldnt need her here :|

Seriously stressed out and want to tell her to scrap the whole thing.

Just dont see the point in it

Does anyone else see and OT, what are your thoughts? xx

[Lol]

Karian I understand this is very stressful for you but I think the point is so that you can feel less isolated and lead a life with more freedom and less anxiety. I'm sorry it has filled you with so much dread

[Munchroom]

Hi Karen - When I was first seeing my OT she wanted me to do the walking to the end of the road thing. It was too much. So we took it in smaller steps - the first time, she walked with me and gave me guidance - points to think about (making it to the next car/lampost etc.) for when I did do it on my own. The second time, I met her at the end of the road and we walked back together and the third (terrifying) time, I did it alone.

Would your OT be willing to take in smaller, gradual steps?? If she doesn't... I can only encourage you to try! There is a point in this and it is beyond terrifying, I know - but even if you don't make it to the end of the road and back, even if you make it 50 yards, that is still a massive achievement.

Agrophobia is so isolating and so unexplainably terrifying. You are not alone in this  &*(

[Zaf]

I'd say much the same as munchroom, I would have needed to have taken it in smaller steps when I was really bad, thinking of you xx

[Karian]

Thanks everyone,

I agreed to see my OT through my useless psychiatrist, he said she would teach me how to manage the panic and anxiety
and give me techniques to learnt to control my feelings of anxiety, but she hasnt done that at all.

She is willing to take smaller steps we agreed to sit on my front step for 10mins her next time, I go from the house to the car with Ian (my OH)
but only when he is with me cause he knows to keep me talking or to distract me long enough to get into the car without me realising I have got from A to B

Just think if it was as easy as she is trying to say I would have done it years ago, I do go out, but only with someone I trust (ian or my mum or sister)
I will go shopping in Asda (although it has been 6 months since I have done it) but we would go late at night and Ian would talk to me the whole time
and my youngest would be in the trolley so he kept me distracted, and when we got to the checkout, my eldest son would walk me and the wee one to the car
while ian paid and packed the shopping.

I want to learn how to overcome these panics without running, I do what I can do but I feel so lightheaded and seriously out of breath when I am doing stuff
I am not used to. Fro example my wee ones 5th birthday we took him and my nephew to a farm park (it was a school day so it would have been quieter) but more than once I had to sit down and get Ian to distract me and help me cope when we had crowds walking by us etc.
I do want to change but scares the bloody life out of me.

[Zaf]

You need to take it in tiny, tiny steps Karen, even break down the steps into smaller steps, rushing things wont help and may make things worse from my experience;  you want to change so you have the motivation which is fantastic. 

I found if I pushed myself only as far as feeling anxious but not as far as panic I could stay at that level for a day or two (or perhaps a bit longer) I could then push the boundaries a tiny bit, stay at that level for a few more days then push for a bit more - I also found that I needed to 'practice' regularly as if I didntI would slip right back to where I was at the beginning.

Its wonderful that Ian is understanding and is helping you, perhaps you could work out a plan of action between yourselves and have a little practice most days?

[Karian]

Thanks Zaf,

I would be more reassured if she taught me coping mechanisms and allowed me to work through them with Ian
As he is my safety net :) or she had a magic wand gawd that would be great lol.

Yeah plenty of motivation just need to move it forward xx

[Munchroom]

I have quite a lot on coping mechanisms from when I went to a group therapy thing - handouts and such. I shall have a look through later - or maybe scan some in if you are happy to pm me your email address (I don't know if I can attatch scans on a pm?) The main one though is to treally try and focus on your breathing. Try to not let it turn into a panic attack. Walk down the road and concentrate on looooong slooooow breaths - much easier said than done, but, you are thinking of that! And not the fact that you are on your own  :) xx

[Munchroom]

Karen - I thought I'd try an encourage you by telling you what I have just done.

All week, I have been putting off going down to the surgery to get my medication. But today... I took my last pill, so I had to go. The doctors surgery is less than two minutes away and can be got to through 'back alleyways' so... I got dressed in clothes that I felt looked good! (Very important, you dont want to be worrying that your clothes/hair/make-up are all wrong, this will make you feel even more self concious!)  Got the dog on his lead and set off for the surgery... of course, the dog decided to do the thing that all dogs always like to do when you are in a rush  just outside of the doctors surgery!! So i picked that up and left the bag next to him whilst I went in and got my prescription.

So - did that - but now I had a bag of doggy doings  I figued I could come home and put them in my wheely bin or walk up to the local recreation ground and put it in a bin up there. I did the latter!  :) And I was ok!! I even replied to a lady that I passed when she commented on how hot it was!! There were other people with dogs up there though, so I did get off the rec pretty quickly. But I then thought, I was halfway to the shop! So I popped into the shop to get some sugar (which they didnt have... ) but I bought 3 ice-creams and decided to drop in to my friends house on the way home!!!! I figured if she wasnt there, or busy, I would just stick the ice creams in the freezer when I got home. I even commented to the shop-keeper (who is lovely) that it was a toss up between a cold glass of white wine or ice cream - at due to the time of day, the ice cream won!  I popped in at my friends house and she was delighted to see me - and her 1 1/2 year old son was beside himself with excitement at seeing the 'DOGGER!' (Not sure the dog was too impressed!) So we had our ice creams, bit of a catch up and now I have come home feeling knacked, but so proud of myself and pleased that I was able to push myself a little bit further when thismorning, even the thought of walking to the end of the road terrified me!

I have made a lot of progress in the last 6 months or so though - so I am not suggesting for one minute that you should be thinking of doing that!! But it does get better! And for a while it will probably still seem so terrifying everytime you go out alone - but every step is progress!! 

[Zaf]

Karen,  one of the techniques my counsellor showed me was as soon as I felt anxious to breath in imaginary gas and air (I imagine holding one of those medical plastic mask things and breathing in this gas and air) - in my case this gas and air is sort of see through pink! Then I let it all out taking the anxiety with it, it may take several attempts but it does usually work for me.

[Karian]

Thank you both, that would be fantastic Munchroom, Well done, that was a huge achievement, you should be very proud of yourself.
Thanks Zaf, Ian counts to me when I am starting to edge near a panic, and does help me control the breathing.
will try the gas & air technique sounds like it may work as it keeps your mind occupied on something else. I am going to
start keeping a wee calender of stuff to do, my main aim is to try and get washed and dressed everyday.
at present that only happens 3 times a week when I know I have somewhere to go :)
But going to try and make a plan of action to get out the house daily even if it is just to the shop with Ian
and wait in the car, as it will mean, I have got up washed and dressed.
This week I have agreed to get myself washed and dressed one extra day and visit my friend tomorrow
as it is her little ones second birthday tomorrow.
I have been using a visualization meditation recording to help relax me before I challenge anything
I sat out on the step earlier waiting on the kids getting home started to get freaked out by I had my dark sunglasses on
so just closed my eyes and visualised the meditation I had just done and after a few minutes I was back there and kept me calm
I found it worked, so will maybe try that again, but obviously that cant be used all the time
walking down a street with my eyes shut could cause problems lol.

thank you both it is reassuring to know that it can get better, think after 13yrs of this I felt it was hopeless but glad to hear I am wrong big hugs xx

[Zaf]

That sounds a very positive plan Karen  :)

Sorry munchroom missed your post, all I can say is VERY WELL DONE!!