Hellooo

[Poppy]

Hi I'm new on here just wanted to join something where people might understand and give me advice, as find it difficult to speak to anyone close to me about it! Basically just really finding it difficult to deal with things at the moment, really hate everything about myself, my looks, my personality, just wish i could be someone different, feel like a waste of a person to be honest! Have always had low moods, I can be fine then really get down, also been self harming for a number of years, family dont know, my boyfriend noticed I had started again recently and got angry and said he doesn't want to be with someone that hates themselves that much, whenever I try to speak to him about how i feel he says you've just got to think of positives, i do try, and feel guilty for feeling so bad when there are people with illnesses out there and so much worse off! Can't speak to my parents as they drink alot, and dont get on with my mum when shes had a drink, we just argue. Just tired of crying and feeling sad all the time, just want to feel happy!! Sorry to go on, if anyone has any advice would really apreciate it. Does anyone else feel like me? How do you cope with everyday things? Thanks :) x

[cornish]

hey and welcome.
 i can completely relate to how you feel, your not alone in this, hopefully you find good advice and friendship here like i have.
have you been to your gp about this ?
hmmm how do i cope, well at the moment i have no idea as im not doing to good at the moment, sorry i cant help with that one at the moment

[Munchroom]

Hi Poppy and welcome  :)

I too can sympathise with how you feel - I so often wish I was different, the constant comparisons to others, the feeling worthless... its like reading something I could have just typed out. You say you feel bad when you think of people out there with illnesses that are so much worse off - depression is a pretty serious illness and a very cruel one at that. As cornish asked, have you been to your doctor or are you taking any medication?

It's very hard to think of positives and I constantly feel like everything is overwhelming. But please feel free to 'vent' on here - and don't ever apologise for 'going on'... we all do it 

Take care x

[Zaf]

Hello Poppy, people that say think positive etc really have no idea what its like to be suffering from depression, its not their fault, I have a friend that thinks its possible just to "pull yourself together" - depression is an illness, just the same as having high blood pressure or being diabetic, no-one would think of telling someone with one of those illnesses to pull themselves together.  Feeling down and useless is part of the illness, again something most people dont understand.

Please do go to your GP if you havent already, that really is the first step.

How do we cope?  Well, for myself I'm on antidepressents and fortunately my husband accepts I have an illness and helps as much as he can, especially when I'm stricken down with the crushing tiredness or have a panic attack.

I know someone else that has problems with self harming and she managed to stop herself on many occasions by holding ice cubes on her arms till the pain stops her from wanting to cut herself, I'm not sure if you would find that helpful or not.

Everyone here can understand how horrible depression is and I know will help as much as they can

[Poppy]

I can't tell you how good it is knowing you all already know what im going through. I sometimes feel like i have so many caring people around me but so lonely at the smae time as they all just think its me feeling sorry for myself! Does anyone else feel paranoid all the, i always feel everyone is staring at me and laughing at me, and also have trust issues with my boyfriend. I'm scared going to my doctor last time I went they sent me away with a tick sheet to fill in, but i felt ashamed of the feelings i was having so didn't put honest answers, im scared they'll thing im overeacting! Everything seems to be getting to much at the moment! Scared my relationship is going to end, he hates me being miserable all the time and says im always in a mood. HELP!! x

[Zaf]

Poppy, please try to go to your GP again and be honest  with him/her, depression is an illness and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of,  once you have a diagnosis it ought to be easier to convince your b/f you are ill and not just feeling sorry for yourself.  Clinical depression is an imbalance of chemicals in the brain, not just someone feeling a bit down. I know only too well how difficult it can be to accept that and beat yourself up for feeling bad or feel guilty for feeling down and tired, thats part of the illness too.

Paranoia is part of the illness as well, I constantly think people dont like me or think I'm stupid, or useless, or weird, or too fat, or dress like an idiot, the list is endless in my case.  I have agorophobia which sometimes means I'm terrified of going outside, I have other totally irrational fears too.

Z x

[Poppy]

Thanks Zaf, I can't believe all this time ive felt so alone, and there are people that are feeling exactly what I am. I think I will make an appointment at the doctors, just seems so real once i speak to a doctor about it, just hoping I'll start to feel better on my own! Thanks again, so good to know I'm not the only one! x

[Zaf]

 Keep in touch Poppy and let us know how you get on, going to the doc for the first time is a big hurdle for a lot of us but once you get a diagnosis and some help you can get started on the rosd to recovery

I'm feeling shattered so off to bed but will look back in tomorrow.

Z x

[Ezel]

 .>, Poppy,

It's good that you've taken this first step and if it helps how you're feeling can get better and it's okay to feel the way you do.  I should be posting more myself but I have a bad habit of going quiet when I am depressed.  Looking forward to getting to know you better.

Pip

[Poppy]

thanks Pip, great to know people understand how I feel, I'm the same when I'm in one of my black moods want to shut myself away from everything! Looking forward to getting to know you too! x

[cornish]

the questionnaire thing, if you dont feel up to it then dont do it but one piece of advice i have for you is that everything you think of and as soon as you can, try and write it down, i normally do this by taking notes on my phone. it can be hard to properly explain what you mean to your gp and its very easy to forget or not be willing to say things when your actually there. just give your gp the notes and let them read them.

but ultimately just do what your comfortable with and do not push your self too hard.

[kittensocks]

Hey Poppy! (Fantastic name, I'm going to call my wee girl Poppy!)
Welcome to the site. I'm kittensocks and I can completely sympathise with what you're going through. I'll pop you a wee private message, but I hope that you're having a bearable time at the minute.
Don't worry about letting things off your chest - we're all in this together.
Take care! ks x