So Lost

[Seqed]

Hi everyone,

I just want to share whats going on with me at the moment because I feel like I'm in turmoil.
As I said in my little 'blurb' on the welcome page, I'm 23 and have been suffering from depression and an anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember.  I've been on high doses of sertraline for years now, had diazepam sporadically to control the anxiety and seen every medical professional you'd care to name.  I have no family save my 17 year old brother who was adopted at birth whom I recently traced through an agency.  I'm engaged to a wonderful aussie bloke who is just a godsend to me, but in spite of that, I feel so lost.
I'm going to counselling every week and have a standing appointment with a clinical psychologist but no one seems to be able to help me. Over the past few months I've started having really severe panic attacks, and now I'm beginning to question everything in my life.
It's so hard to be this young and not have any parents around me, my life until the age of 18 was just a series of traumatic events and I'm tired. It feels like everything is a struggle.
I've worked so hard to piece things together, to get to uni, hold down a job, be a decent person...but every single day is just overwhelmingly hard.
I know it sounds melodramatic but I really feel like no one understands what life is like for me, it's not just the depression and the panic attacks and constant anxiety but the crippling self doubt, the bleak loneliness of having no family around me and all the other trials of each day.
Sometimes I wonder how I'll get through the next week and still see something positive in the future, it's all so dark and lonely.

Peace and happiness to you all

Sooz

[Ezel]

Ah another one affected by adoption .... there are a couple of us here that are.  In my case I was lied and bullied (aka coercion  ) into surrendering back in 1981 and that has played a major part in my depression although it started before then.  My son and I reunited back in 2004 but thanks to my family they delayed our reunion by 5 years although I have had to step back from that more recently.

Sounds like you've had a tough few years but the fact that you're acknowledging how you're feeling is a good start.  Will try and remember to come back to this tomorrow as I'm tired which is partly down to health issues that I recently found out about ... high BP and cholesterol plus being borderline diabetic   

Pip