When I was 14 years old my dad died of cancer which hit me very hard, this was in 1983.
He had been diagnosed a couple of years before with lung cancer which he was operated on for and he seemed to get better. Unfortunately some time later we found out the cancer had spread so there wasn't anymore the doctors could do. This hit me hard as I was very close to him and my biggest regret was I didn't tell my dad I loved him before he died. Afterwards I went totally off the rails and my mum was spending money on me which made things worse but I didn't realize that at the time.
Although I went through times when I got back on the straight and narrow I would stray off again until I met my wife when I was 24 years old. She helped sort my life out but I was still grieving for my dad and wasn't letting go. Then a few years later I was diagnosed with a major depressive disorder of the re-occuring type. I knew I had to move on with my life so when my mum was diagnosed with terminal cervical cancer in 1999 I was determined to tell her I loved her. This helped me in turn to prepare myself for the inevitable. She died in December 1999 and I still grieved but it was easier to deal with than when my dad had died and helped me come to terms with my dad's death.
I still have my bad times of the year which are easier to deal with but my message is there is light at the end of the tunnel when dealing with bereavement. There is no set time as we are all different and we all have different kinds of support. Getting support is important and sharing with others who have been through bereavement of a loved one also helps a great deal.
