My life is a mess

[Brigzi01]

Hi everyone,

I've just had a couple of weeks from hell and I have been looking for somewhere where I can speak to people about it to try and rationalise my actions.
I have suffered with anxiety & depression now for the best part of 15 years. I was originally taking Citalopram and then weaned off them. I had a bad time again last year but I was put onto Sertraline 50mg because of the migraines I had taking Citalopram. The 50mg did nothing for me so my GP upped it to 100mg and left it at that.
My home life has been awful these last few months. I had a long access battle with my ex over visitation rights to see my children which drained me emotionally, and then to top it off, when I do get access my new partner doesn't get on with them 
I was placed in an unenviable choice of pretty much either my partner or my kids. I buried my head in the sand and hoped it would all just sort itself out.. It didn't.. I lost contact with my family, my children and my friends for over 8 months. During this time I had got married (despite the doubts) and we discovered my wife is expecting and is due the end of Sept. This kinda lead me to decide I needed to grab the bull by the horns so to speak and sort things with my kids and my family.
My wife hated this and as a result booked me a GP appointment the Monday after this had gone on and basically tried to say I suffer with Bipolar  ::)This was due to me making impulsive decisions. The GP instantly told me to stop taking the Sertraline and put me onto Mirtrazapine 15 mg. The come down off the Sertraline was horrific but my GP was adamant that the new drug would counteract the previous one and as such wouldn't give me any 'comedown' symptoms.
Things became gradually worse at home and I was becoming very annoyed because I felt like I was getting no head space and was being quizzed on everything. I was made to feel selfish for being ill because she needed attention as she is pregnant. It got to a point where I had to leave for both our sanity. I now feel an incredible amount of guilt about the whole situation and I just feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
My family have all told me what they think about my wife and  have been getting on great with the kids despite it being almost a year since I had seen them. Its when I have nobody around me that I'm struggling, and that's because I keep thinking about how my lifes going to turn out and it just fills me with sadness.. I honestly don't know what to do or say tbh

[Amanda_George]

  if you want it?  Are you on any kind of talking therapy... seeing a counselor or therapist or anything like that?  If you aren't seeing anyone, how would you feel about asking your GP for a referral and a CPN and stuff?  How would your wife feel about couples counseling or something like that?

You aren't alone in this... this is a great forum to be on   :smile:

[Tron86]

Sorry to hear things have been so rough.

I too was recently upped to 100mg sertraline and am not feeling the benefits at all.

Have you gone to the GP on your own and told him how you feel without the pressure of someone else there? I definitely recommend counselling it has helped me in the past!

If your feeling so guilty try and make amends with your children. If your wife doesn't get on with them have a relationship with them away from her. You can still then have a relationship with your wife and new arrival if that's what you want? Counselling may help you realise what you really want.

Let us know how your getting on. Sending good vibes your way!