well, i have no idea where to start. i dot want to bore you all to death, and i dont want to miss out anthing either. i'll try and summarise my story and events, as to what has lead me here
well all started nigh on over 2 years ago. as you do meet a beautifl girl, fall in love and things progress. we become pregnant, and through the pregnancy we fall in and out with each other. we broke up roughly about the 3 month period. (we lived far away after she had to move back closer to family) i was never invited to scans, given time to get up to her etc etc. through the diff arguments i was told you're not the dad. it was around this time i was starting to get very down, lonely, left out and like the lowest of low. i cold not help myself saying nasty things during arguments and other regrettable things i shall never live down. at this point i saw my doctor and started to see a counsellor. it came to light that i only had symptons of mild depression and bipolar i think. it didnt take me long to supress these feelings and pick myself up. then we didnt speak for 3-4 months. we started to talk again and got a 4d scan done of our baby and found out we were having a baby boy
over the next few months we were talking but we were having the disagreements too. on both our parties we were stressed, tired and scared of the enevitable birth. then on 04/04/09 at 6:55 am our baby was born. i was not present at the birth, but got sent a picture of him. and went up 3 days after. over the past few months we have rarely and regularly argued. nothing over big stuff it starts off as little rubbish things and it jsut esculates. again during some arguments it was your not the dad i want a dna test blah blah. this is sorted out and all in the past now. i did alot of regrettable things as i say during the pregnancy which she keeps draggin up during these arguments, yet i do not breathe a word about what she says as i feel the past is the past. the lateset was we were back together, roughly 6-8 weeks and decided to look at moving intogether. we decided we'd share her house for a while then get somewhere bigger. after 4 days of revamping the place and spending lots of money time and effort she decides i am not moving in, to my shock horror and belief. all this after it has all been done. it absolutly killed me. i never felt lower of more dead in my tracks. all my work family and friends i had told we were on moving in and on track, and then for it all to stop. her reasons she has given tbh are sounds of BS, of course i didnt take them lightly and we did argue. somehow i amin the wrong even though i hadnt done anything wrong. tey are all "personal" reasons of her. now instead of seeing my child 3-4 days every month she will not allow me to see him till after xmas at the earliest until she has sorted herself out. my son and i are the ones being punished because of her. it kills me inside, i am powerless and cannot do anything.
well thats me and where i am now. i am feeling ok, but jsut not me. i am lonely, dont see many people and not really close to anyone. i would love to socialise but i am too scared too of getting hurt and let down.
any tips on how to build confidence back up, trust and ideas on how to meet people please say.
i am going to start seeing a counsellor again so i an let things off my chest and feel easy, no so weighed down again.
thanks for taking the time to read and for any replies you leave :)
