I've had problems in the past with alcohol as a result of a combination of depression and anxiety. I know that drug abuse is very common in sufferers of both and lately I've had a lot of thoughts of relapse and worry that I might go back to drinking again. I think the problem for me is that alcohol is very malevolent. I'm going to avoid triggers for other people here, but with alcohol, like a lot of drugs, you have a button that you can press and feel absolutely fantastic. Unfortunately pressing that button will also ultimately kill you if you have an addiction like I do. The thing is, you wake up the next day, and you feel even worse. I tel myself a lot that I can drink, but I know I can't. Well, I CAN, but that's the dangerous part. I CAN drink a liter of whiskey, and I'll feel superb for a few hours, but come the next day, I'm a wreck and no use to anyone. I'm just starting a potential new relationship, and I feel like I'm carrying this awful secret. Like I have some evil twin who is capable of levels of boozing that would make Hunter Thompson blush. The thing is, I'm NEVER violent when I'm drunk, in fact, I'm the opposite, I'm the life of the party and I'm super confident and friendly. That's not a good thing to aspire to. Sure, it's a good thing to aspire to if you can do it sober, but I really struggle to.
Does anyone else struggle with drug abuse? And if so, how do you deal with it?
I think Robin Williams had it right, he likened the feeling that you can be responsible with a drug to that little voice in your head when you look over a cliff that says "Jump! You can fly!".
