Feeling alone

[Marie1991]

Why did I ever think a fresh start would help? Maybe for a little while but running away from your problems does NOT help. It just catches up on you.

Moved to a lovely area in Suffolk, starting my new job end of June, have a fiance and a lovely home and a little kitten! Yet the darkness and loneliness just creeps up on me... a little bit every single time. I just sometimes think- why can't I feel 'normal' like other people.

I know whats not helping- Stuck in most days because I don't know anyone in this area yet. My motivation has disappeared.
Tonight, my fiance is out on a function a few hours away and has been away since Tuesday- I absolutely flipped when he said he was going to the pub... The truth is right now, I am not happy. I am not happy being the one at home 24 hours doing the same thing until the end of June when my new job starts. And here is what is ironic... I'm trainee mental health support worker....

Why can't I just be happy? I have lost my spark. The person who I was just does not exist anymore, shes gone.

I can't live my life in the past thinking that its OK when anything happens or if I react in a certain way to blame my past. I need to move on and be ME again. But why is it this hard?? Why can't I close my past like a book and move on.

I am worried what may happen later in my life, will I one day just completely lose the plot? I'm so tired of feeling like this. I want to feel happy, I want to be surrounded by people who care about me who are my friends, I want to feel great about myself and SMILE- a real one.

[Grace]

Hello Marie,

I think it's good that you managed to make a fresh start!! .... we just go a pace at a time to deal with our problems especially if they deal with things from the past which are often not able just erase!

However I see something positive: the fact that you hare training to become a health support worker and at the same time you have faced and may continue to deal with some personal issues, will turn out benefical as you may relate with other people with more empathy as you yourself have experienced moments of sorrow etc....

Have you been able to speak with a doctor to know if you're suffering from depression? If yes .... it is a question of your brain chemistry that is not helping at the moment.
Look forward to your work and maybe try to occupy your time to something useful .... or maybe there may be a group or somebody who may need some help. I find that going out of myself helps me with my mood!
I wouldn't worry so much about future life as it's not in our hands as yet, so we can't do much ..... but we do have the present to try to live to the full!
My very best,
Grace

[kutuup]

Hi Marie,

It sounds like you're having a heck of a time, but please take it from me: You are not alone, not ever. There are people all over the country, even all over the world who want to listen and care about you. I know that sometimes you can feel completely isolated and alone, but there are always people who will listen if you know where to find them. People who care and want to help you.

There are times when the rain in your heart is too much to bear, but the sun can and will come out again. I understand how scared you feel, but don't ever feel like you're alone. There are a bunch of people who have read your post and you are in all of their thoughts. We may not know you, but we care about you. You're not alone for a moment. We're all thinking about you and are here to help whenever the rain gets too hard.

James