Hey all, as I mentioned in my previous thread, I recently met up with a really nice girl and it seemed to go well. Well a new factor is starting to come into the picture.
I think my depression is coming back.
In the last couple of days, I've been feeling very slow, tired and sluggish. I've been feeling quite emotional for no apparent reason and losing interest in things, which were the first signs the first time this hit me. I think the anxiety over this girl is digging things back up and I'm getting so wound up over being rejected that it's allowing the depression back in. Another big factor is my job and my daily life. I work in a sales job in a store which I really can't stand. I have no interest in it and am just bored out of my mind, miserable and irritable the whole time I'm there. Something needs to change.
I think I'm putting too much on things going right with this girl. Like this is my chance to make a change in my life and if things go wrong, I'm back where I was. I think I tend to put all of my chips on one thing at a time, and if that one thing doesn't work out, I end up miserable. It just wears me out.
I've seen a consultant psychiatrist several times, and he has said on a number of occasions that (without wanting to sound big headed) I'm very intelligent, and that it's incredibly detrimental for an intelligent person's mental health for them to be bored, which I am almost all day every day. I get really down that I spent so much time and money going through high school, college and university to get a degree in what I love doing, only to be stuck in a shop I have no interest in with people I don't even particularly like. This company treats you like an idiot constantly. My manager is pretty dense and talks to you like you're a stupid kid. Then there are two other guys, one can be nice but is a massive pervert and constantly talks about SERIOUSLY filthy stuff, I love a dirty joke, I make them myself a lot, but why this guy is under the impression that I somehow enjoy what he's talking about I have no idea. The other guy is really intelligent and actually used to work in the industry I want to work in, but he's a fair bit older than me and all we ever get to talk about is this shop since even in downtime the manager is hovering over us and having us do pointless busy work. The job is just painfully tedious. They have this new system to use in stores, I spent a whole week in London being trained to use it, got trained again when I started in store, have been sent to other stores three times to be trained AGAIN on the exact same things I was just trained on, and now I'm being chewed out because head office decided that everyone has to watch a series of ten videos on the exact same thing I've already been trained on five times now. Their systems are showing that I haven't watched the videos despite the fact that I have now watched them all TWICE. There's just no logic in how this company operates. You can show them a video of you doing something they've told you to do, but if their crappy system from 1988 doesn't show you've done it, they're all over you like a rash.
I just get so frustrated and depressed being in a job where I'm bored out of my mind and constantly being harassed by incompetent people, which just leaves me to sit around bored and irritated which in turn just leaves me nothing to do but THINK, which for me is a HUGE trigger for depression and anxiety.
I don't know how to get out of here. I've sent off over 50 job applications for companies in the industry I want to work in now and I haven't even had a single reply, not a rejection, just nothing.
