Been chatting with a really nice girl, my low self esteem is making me anxious.

[kutuup]

I've been single for a VERY long time, the other day, I got chatting to a girl online who lives near me and we hit it off pretty well. The thing is, I have crippling low self esteem. She's super pretty and slim and everything and I'm a little dumpy so I feel really anxious about meeting her in person, she's seem pictures of me, but I've put on some weight since those pictures were taken and I'm worried she'll be put off :S Also, she's 22 and has a 4 year old son, which doesn't bother me in the slightest, everyone lives different lives and she made different choices to me, but why should that matter in my opinion. The problem is, my family think this is a bad thing, they say they don't doubt that she's a really nice person, but that they feel like the fact that she has a kid might make things complicated. I don't get it, I'm 25 years old, people around my age have kids, it's not weird to me at all, I wouldn't have a single issue with her having commitments to her son. How do I talk my parents round? I know it's weird for someone my age to be given advice like that by their parents, but as I've always suffered from anxiety and depression, my parents are very protective of me, which I appreciate since I'm lucky to have a caring family, but I wish sometimes they'd let me make my own decisions without second guessing me.

Going back to this girl, I'm getting super nervous, she seems so nice and has so many of the same interests as me. I hope things go well, I really don't want to screw this up. How should I proceed? Should I ask her on a date or something? It's been so long since I dated that I'm very rusty and anxious. When we've been chatting online she reads as if shes interested in me, she asks a lot of questions and gives good responses, lots of smiley faces and x's and things like that. I feel like this is someone I want to get to know better and possibly date, but I'm so afraid of screwing up :S

Any advice? I know this isn't a dating forum lol, but I feel like it's my anxiety and depression issues that are causing me to get so worked up over it.

James

[Sweetpea]

Hi James, I can understand how your parents feel.  We do tend to be protective.  The way I am with my boys is just to be there if they need me and advise them if they ask.  I felt that trying to tell them who to date etc would only make them go against me.

As with this lady you have been chatting to. I would suggest you take her maybe ten pin bowling or something similar.  That way you can have a laugh and are not sitting opposite each other trying to make conversation.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

X x

[kutuup]

Funnily enough I did end up taking her bowling and out for a meal lol she beat me by one point It was really nice and we seemed to get on well, we initially just agreed to go bowling, then she suggested going to eat afterwards, so she didn't immediately rush off. We chatted for a fair while before and after the meal and I sent her an email after we parted ways thanking her for a lovely evening and saying I'd love to meet up again. She replied that she had also had a good time and said "Yeah, me too, it'd be really good to see you again :)" it seems like a good sign, but I sadly suffer from "they're just saying that" syndrome :S

Me being me, I was very self conscious the whole time, but she seemed interested in talking to me and there weren't really any awkward silences or anything.

The thing with me is I tend to always presume the worst, like I was a crappy date and she doesn't really want to see me again. I'm trying to learn to ignore those thoughts, but I find that I've had so many confirmations of those thoughts in the past that it's difficult.

It was the first time we met in person, so I only had photos to go on. But wow, she is the kind of pretty that makes you want to stare like a weirdo Plus she's smart as anything and so pleasant and fun, I hope things go well :)

James

[Sweetpea]

Oh James that's lovely :).  I do hope things go well for you.  I know its hard to not put yourself down and think negative thoughts.  But, she did want to go out to eat after the bowling, which to me is positive. 

Good luck x x

[JC]

Hi James

I am so glad that your first meeting with your lady friend went so well. As Sweetpea said, your friend suggested going to eat after bowling which, to me, says that she was enjoying herself and wanted to be in your company for a while longer. Her reply to your e-mail also indicates that she is looking forward to seeing you again so I really hope you both keep in contact and all goes well for you 

Wishing you the very best of luck xx