Overload of self-critical thoughts - what can help you stop them?

[felicidad]

I think what would help me more than anything at the moment would be if I could manage the times (the MANY times a day) when I do the following:

1. I am doing something (I am getting on with my life) when a thought pops into my head.

2. It is always a memory of something in the past - could be recent past (eg, something I said to someone a couple of nights ago), it could be the distant past (something I did when I was younger).

3. This memory causes me to: a) feel nothing but acute self-loathing and call myself a stupid idiot/massive tw*t, b) feel extremely low when I remember what a stupid fool/massive tw*t I am.

I would say my biggest problem is low self-esteem. I always know when I am having a relapse because these episodes are on the increase: I walk around going "sh*t sh*t sh*t crap crap crap" in response to my inner monologue (often out loud), and saying "you are SUCH an idiot" about a million times a day.

I KNOW these thoughts are not helping me. I try to dismiss them and nip this problem in the bud, try to tell myself "you're doing that thing again, stop it". I KNOW I am digging myself a massive hole here, and the more I do it the harder it will be for me to get out of... The thoughts take me by surprise, and I can't help reacting to them in this way, in my current mindset.


My question is, do thoughts like this plague anyone else, and what have you done to get out of them?

[craig84]

Im only online briefly but thought id recommend a book im reading which aims to help with what your describing...

Its called the happiness trap by Russ harris.  It can and is helping me!

[Pip]

I understand what it is like to suffer with low esteem.  Ir's hard to get off that cycle and I was fortunate that it has been church members that have helped me feel better about myself.  They didn't even know I suffer with low self esteem so it made it even more special for me. 

[JC]

My self-esteem has been badly affected by events in 2013 and, as a result,  I also have negative thoughts and feelings of self-loathing on a daily basis that I find very difficult to manage. Any positive thoughts are soon replaced/overtaken by negative thoughts when I remember what I did, what I could and should have done better and how different the outcome could have been if I had not been such a complete idiot.

Unfortunately, despite counselling, I am struggling to break the cycle of negative thoughts and my self-esteem remains very low. However, I wanted to share a couple of tips I have had from my counsellor in the hope you might find them useful :-

1) Make a list of things you are good at or good things you have done and focus on those rather than mistakes you have made.

2)Set yourself realistic and achievable goals, basically don’t ask too much of yourself.

Hope they work for you. Good luck…..JC

[craig84]

My therapist gave the same advice as jc got. 

The thing with me is,  i didnt do well at school,  i left at 13/14 in fact.  Selfesteem isnt something they teach anyway but when my therapist suggested writing the list of positives i found that to be a challenge in itself.  Thinking for myself about the positives when i was so self loathing was nigh on impossible.  So i looked back through the past at times when i was at work or with supportive friends when i was low and self loathing and thought of the positives they saw in me which helped start the list,  which grew and grew... 

The negatives were almost all criticims from people who were being mean to me and were not true!  It may or may not be the same for you but either way id suggest reading and learning about self esteem.  Not just you but anyone who suffers from it...  Ive left the book i was reading at my brothers but when i get it back i will post again with the title and author.  Another thing is,  and this wont be what most want to hear but,  the majority of your progress lies in the work you put in.  I used to see therapy as my savior,  that it would "fix"  me.  It didnt.  I read an awful lot about the things ive struggled with,  and with what ive learnt i've raised questions with my therapist to better understand the things ive read. 

Things such as negative relationships wit people,  low selfesteem,  self doubt,  insecurities,  i nor anyone els will completely be free of these thongs but i definitely deal woth things alot easier than i used to.  One negative thing threw me into a deeper state of depression. 

I urge anyone who suffers with depression to study the things that trouble you amd gain an understanding of those things.  Self help books are just that,  there not a cure,  there tools we can use to help ourselves.

[JC]

Sound advice Craig and, although we might not want to hear it, you are right in that our progress is almost entirely dependent on the amount of effort we are prepared to put in.

My therapist asked me to complete a force field analysis, weighing up helpful forces against hindering forces to achieve movement towards a goal. Major problem is that when one is in a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions every helpful force is countered or outweighed by a hindering force so it feels impossible to move forward. I never had an expectation that therapy would be a quick fix but in a negative mindset I often find myself in conflict with what the therapist is asking me to do.

Just a small example. My manager praises me for being proactive in leading the team forward with new ideas and procedures - JC's translation "Yeah, I am a mug and everybody is just leaving this stuff to me". Completely skewed way of thinking but, as I am sure you know, that is how depression and low self esteem affects your thought processes.

Agree with all you have said and appreciate your advice, sure felicidad will do too. Best wishes.........JC

[craig84]

Its somethong i know all too well jc,  ive always worked my way up from low level to middle management and those detrimental statements were and continue to be a regular occurrence!  The difference now is i know me,  who i am and what im capable of....  I do struggle at times like we all do but something else i did which helps to no end,  in work,  life and relationships which i wasnt told to do by anyone which i use so many times on a daily basis is remembering quotes.  I googled 50 positive quptes and read them...... Quotes such as:

"actions speak louder than words"
Nothing worth having comes easy"
One step in the right direction is still a right step,  the first is the hardest but before you know it your walkin" -  my own

I have to leave for work now id have written more but ill elaborate a bit later on!

Take a small step today,  challenge yourself,  and accept that life has a way of seeming more bad than good but its a part of life...  Its human nature to think the worst,  its our defence mechanism and has been since the dawn of man.  Accept it,  process it,  be aware of it but dont let it consume you. 

Feel your fear and do it anyway!  More times than not the thought of things are more scary than the reality!

Tc xx

Craig

[beataamanda]

I've found practice around identifying negative blurts and positive affirmations incredibly helpful.
My counsellor suggested a book called The Artists Way by Julia Cameron.

It's technically a 12 week activity exercise which is designed to help artists deal with their negativity and unblock themselves - however as someone who enjoys writing and painting, but not an artist, I've so far found this book profound, helpful and inspiring!

And it doesn't hurt, artist or not to sometimes pick up a few paints and a brush and see what those emotions can create on a canvas, or same with a pen and a piece of paper!

Beata Amanda
(Beata derived from the Italian meaning, blessed, lucky, blissful or heavenly.)

[kutuup]

These feelings are extremely common among depressed people.

Right in the first paragraph of the description of clinical depression on Wikipedia it says "Depressed people may be preoccupied with, or ruminate over, thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt or regret, helplessness, hopelessness, and self-hatred". But what is said after that is very important: "These feelings are not just about being depressed, they may be delusional".

What this means is that when you're depressed, your whole view of yourself changes dramatically, you judge yourself very differently and far more harshly than other people judge you. You invariably judge yourself as inferior to almost all other people and constantly berate yourself for being what you perceive as "sub-standard". I know, I do it almost incessantly myself, which is why I have great difficulty forming relationships with people; it makes you despise yourself, it makes you presume that everyone else despises you, and that therefore you can't trust anyone else OR yourself.

When it comes to thinking over your past, just remember: "It's what you do last that counts".