So here goes....

[Stonesour]

I just don't want to do anything......

It's a hell of a struggle just getting through the day-this morning I really felt like just not going in work. It's getting on top of me-this is also the most stressful time of year in my industry and as a person responsible for my dept. Im being placed under loads of pressure. I know my BP is going up again, I'm feeling the rabbit in the headlight emotions again and cannot let myself buckle as I work in a highly safety critical job - which I dont want to do any more, feel trapped but I have children to pay maintenance for, a house of my own to rent. Xmas coming, I have no money and can barely survive day to day. When I get in I SHOULD play my guitar, or listen to music, get out shopping, find a hobby or gym or something, go to my girlfriends but I just dont. I just do enough to feed myself and keep the place tidy, make some excuse for not seeing GF and basically hide. I dont feel able to take part in a 'life'.

Naturally this affects my relationship. I dont feel good enough or worthy, fail to see what it is she sees in me, she has had a good, sometimes wild, well travelled life and I feel like im dragging her down with my situation with kids, time, lack of money. I find it hard to keep up with her. Is it best I set her free? I dont know. That also would make me feel hopeless. I do get a degree of catharsis just from writing it down but I feel, basically, trapped in my own life. Some mornings I dont want to get up, some I dont even want to wake up. I'm still waiting to hear from my GP about counselling, tried CBT before which didn't really work for me. Really, really want to avoid meds again, already on blood pressure pills and a statin. Hated seroxat when I took that.

Ok sorry for the rambling post. I'm sure if I though about it I could be more accurate but this is straight onto the keyboard stream-of-consciousness stuff.

How can I break the cycle? I'm really not happy at the minute

[junior]

The only way is to try to change things you want to change one step at a time.
The relationship is down to you and your partner, and I dont think anyone should make you stay with her or end your relationship.
Take care.
Junior

[Gabbycat]

Hi Stonesour
so, I'm afraid my reply is not going to be very helpful, but it is just to offer some solidarity I guess, I am going through a similar thing, I can't even bring myself to do things I used to enjoy like reading, writing poetry, etc, and I too end up making excuses not to see my boyfriend and my friends, and I don't even know why half the time :/ I also have similar feelings regarding my relationship, I literally have no idea why he is with me, I can't help but think he is only with me because he knows about my 'fragile' state of mind and feels 'trapped' as he might be worried I'd do something to myself if he left me (I've been with him three and a half years)
I'm going to shut up now as I feel a little like I've hijacked your thread - I'm very sorry, I just thought I'd offer this in the way of solidarity...and hey if I do find something that helps, I will let you know :)
Take care, I hope things start looking up for you.

[MINDFUL HELP]

Hi guys,

when we feel like this it's important to have others around you. There's nothing worse than feeling isolated from people, especially who you love. It's always best to talk to your partners (i know that's not always easy!). There's no simple way of "just snapping out of it" (don't you just hate it when someone says that) but working closely with your counsellor, family and friends helps... (depending how sympathetic they are).

I think you have to look at the root cause here. Sometimes when you feel like you are feeling you can't often see the wood for the trees, and sometimes takes other people to see it...

If anyone wants a chat with us, please get in touch... sometimes just having that time to chat and someone to listen, helps. We don't have all the answers but trying to find the root cause to why you are feeling like this will help. Sometimes what you think is the problem, is just the suface and often superficial. As well as tackling the surface issues.

CBT is a good therapy but I understand some people it works for, some it doesn't, but what I will say is that CBT takes time and practice and CBT homework (don't personally like the name HOMEWORK) is very important.

Anyway, anyone want to chat just get in touch... our website is on our profile.

Take care all
John

[Stonesour]

Hi Gabbycat, thanks for  the kind comments, no I dont think you've hijacked my thread.  Been to docs and pushed for the counselling I was offered which never materialised. Doc himself however was seemingly not interested (basically a case of just deal with it, 'try some online self help') so lets see what happens. Things lightened up for a couple of days but back with a vengeance now, sat here alone  nearly in tears with a mix of fear/frustration/apathy-just really sad.  Its a combination of everything piling on me all at once-work destroying me, money, the ongoing relationship thing (the weekend could me a watershed. She has been away effectively on a singles holiday with her friends and we 'need to talk' when she comes back).  I know its all a case of being crushed by circumstance but I just dont know what to do. Really really dont. I dont know who to turn to, never been so down in my life.