Newbie,want to say hi to everyone

[mar42]

Hi guys & gals,hope Im finding you on a good day & if not,then tie yourself to the mast,be kind to yourself & it will pass in it's own time. My name is marlon from london,Im 42 years old,hence the imaginative profile name mar42 =+-. Im not exactly sure when my depression started,but after a 4 year period of ongoing stress & anxiety & a number of emotions,in january 2002 i had a physical burn out. I would describe it as "feeling as though my brain was in a glue like substance" and feeling flu-like. This went on for 2 years,which brought on frustration,anger,self-hatred,confusion,fear. I would lay in bed in the early hours (always 3 am) i had an a new type of alarm clock,like somebody would shove me in the side "WAKE UP,IT'S 3" on the dot every night...great. My head would resemble a pinball machine,the balls being my thoughts,smashing off of each other "what's wrong with me"? "What if i lose my job"?  "What if i lose my wife" "What if i lose my apartment" i could not stop this barrage of negative thoughts,the only thing i could do was pray & on this occasion a wave of calmness came over me. The next year i did lose my job,my wife left me,i lost my sanity at times,thankfully i kept a roof over my head. Well 11 years have gone now & so many things have happened to me,good & bad. After so many excited feelings of my depression passing & trying so many remedie & thinking "iv'e beaten it,it returned time & time again,i find it difficult to accept,i have been taking medication for 10 years,started off 50mg of sertraline,now on a higher dose of 150mg,this has balanced me out to a certain extent,but now when Im faced with stressful situations i become physically unwell & my cycle starts again. This is only a titbit of an eventful journey depression has led me on,i hope i can be of any help,to other sufferers who's journey is just setting sail or can get help from able seaman with years of experience,thanks for taking time to read my post,kind regards marlon

[Michael Frankum]

Hi Marlon.  +-_ Speaking of creative names, what do you think of mine? =+- Welcome to the site. We're all at various stages of fighting (or not fighting) the beast, so I'm sure that your feedback, advice and support will be very welcome here, and I'm certain that you will find the same when you need it. It's odd that you mention the 3 am thing. Maybe it's more common than you would think. I remember many nights of waking at the same time. Maybe it sticks in the mind, I dunno. *^* Anyway it's nice to meet you, although it's a little odd to welcome somebody to a group of people suffering with depression! Don't worry - not everyone rabbits on with such gibberish, I promise. "!+ Best wishes. Michael.

[Pip]

 $£$

[mar42]

Hey Michael,thanks so much for a warm welcome,i did laugh at your username  =+- I have just returned from group therapy,i have been attending for a year,it's an analytical group,which is a little ironic,because it was too much thinking that got me in this state  =+- just kidding,it has been helpful at understanding why we do what we do. especially when the same old things come up,wearing different clothes  _-+ Im on the end of an episode (depression) at the moment,so your welcome was much appreciated,goodnight for now michael & hopefully chat again soon,best wishes marlon

[Sweetpea]

Hello Marlon  big welcome to the forum.  We are a lovely friend bunch.  $%$.

I also can't cope with pressure since beginning to suffer with depression.

S x x x x

[mar42]

Hello shaz,thank you for your message,nice to hear you're a friendly bunch +-_  It's not easy,it's so cunning & can be so subtle & can creep up on you in many guises,so all we can do is prepare as best we can & try to exclude things that make it worse. Nice to meet you shaz  =+-

[mar42]

Hi Pip,thanks for your welcome,nice to meet you =+-

[Sweetpea]

After time we tend to learn how to manage.  I used to fight the feelings, now I give in to it and rest.  It took a long time for me to realize this though.

S x x x x

[Catbrian]

Hey Marlon

I also used to wake at the same time every morning.  It was something bizarre like 2.22am on the digital alarm clock, used to drive me potty.  Sleep is one of the most important things, especially to depressives.

It sounds like you've had your fair share of "experiences".  This is a great place to share, easy to get to know other members.  Sometimes I liken it a bit to group therapy online, often the same dynamics.

I used to be in group therapy for 18 mths and it was one of the best forms of therapy for me.  1-2-1 feel too intense for me.

I think one of the things you learn about depression is that it can raise its head at any time.  If it is the last thing we are expecting, that can be devastating.  I think that balance, or acceptance, comes through experience.

Welcome to the Forum Marlon!

Cat

[mar42]

Thanks cat,i agree 100% with everything you said,it just annoys me when i fall for it again,it's a cycle of feeling ok,catching a flu like virus & telling myself its ok,you have just caught a virus,then after 3 weeks of still feeling unwell,slowly but surely i start to rack my brain, what? why? when? Im still coming to terms that there doesn't need to be a reason for an episode to come on you,it's depression & thats what it does. Feels so rotten doesn't cat,i feel like quasimodo on a bad day  =+- take care cat,best wishes marlon

[stewart]

Hi Marlon, welcome to the forums, sleeping can be a real prob at times and it just adds to the stress,

maybe you could have a chat with your doc and see about changing or adding another medication.
it is not uncommon for some people to be on 2 or more diferent meds.

[Pip]

Marlon, for many years I struggled with bad sleep patterns and would wake up several times a night.  Recently and out of despair I saw my doctor as I had tried everything but couldn't take any more.  He suggested raising Amitriptyline, which I take for pain relief, by 10 mg a week so now I taking 50 mg a night which is working as I get 6 - 8 hours sleep without waking.

[mar42]

Hi pip, love the cat,never been a cat person,but wouldn't say no to that one =+- thanks for message,6-8 hours sleep right through is good,i would be over the moon with that. I was at my worst 2003-2005,but since then it works in waves,i have spells of sleeping well & when i get stressed,i wake up early,thinking about it %$£ i suppose that applies to lots of people depressed or not eh?  pip,if i want to write,just to unload some thoughts (not rudely) what forum is the best? cheers marlon

[Beetzart]

Hi Marlon this is a brilliant forum.  Everyone is so friendly.   +_+

[mar42]

Hello Beetzart,thank you very much for your nice welcome,best wishes marlon