I have been so up and down like a yo-yo its unreal. This morning i felt so useless, guilty for pretty much everything bad thats ever happened and just rubbish that after two hours of preparing and gearing myself up for it i made myself a cup of tea and a small breakfast...By the time i took both things back to my room, i'd wiped myself of energy and thought i'd have a short nap and wake up in enough time to drink my tea and eat my breakfast...Howeva, that short nap ended up going onto 3:30pm this afternoon.
Woke up and felt worse, and i mean really WORSE to the extent i thought of either ringing 999 or regisitering myself into the local psych hospital because i felt like ending it all and started to make plans. I managed to pick myself up after a while and decided to distract myself with reading. So far, i've managed to get through three short books currently quater of the way into my forth. Felt alittle better for doing so but still not great.
Thankfully my boyfriend (who happens to be away for afew days) rung me out of the blue and i instantly went bonkers! I mean dead opposite to how i've been feeling the rest of the day. I was talking down to him on the fone like super sonic crazy fast and racing from one subject to another at rapid speed and making insane plans for our future...
I've obviously since come off the phone and still hyper! I'm about to cook a mega large meal as i've hardly eatten today, do a shop at the supermarket (i'll probs end up spending too much) and take a long drive and ring different friends i haven't contacted in donkeys...
I swear i must have bipolar...LOL. _)_.
I'm due back to work in afew days time...I really don't think i should be at all. I'm not psychologically well enough and i know it...
