Soul searching, seem to be doing a lot of this recently. Don't know why but I'm always looking for answers. Always wondering why I am the way I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm blessed with incredible insight, I can almost feel what people are thinking. Some would call this a great gift but it can also be a curse because there seems to be no hiding place from the truth. I adapt to my surroundings, if the company I am in are happy and positive it rubs off me consequently if the same company are negative and critical it smashes me to bits. I try my best to avoid people and circumstances that are going to bring me down but obviously we cant keep ourselves locked away from life. Sometimes if I'm feeling ok or positive I forget about depression but this has double edge sword because if I leave my guard down too long I get complacent and its not long before something or someone brings me back down with bump and the positive feelings are erased to be replaced by sinking gloom.
I sometimes look for answers in horoscopes, I don't whether this is a good habit or not. The horoscopes I read can be spookily accurate and if I have a particularly positive reading it can really lift my spirits, unfortunately the stars don't always predict happy things. By my nature I'm a dreamer, I guess its escapism. I dream about a better life like winning the lottery lol! Sometimes I buy a lottery ticket and I deliberately don't check the numbers until the following day so I can dream that although the numbers have already been called I might have won! Silly I know! I often think about the past, usually through rose tinted spectacles. I wish that I could back and do the happy stuff all over again. It would be nice if I could live in the now instead of hiding in my dream world.
Not really sure the reason I have started this thread, its just my thoughts that's all. Feeling a bit down today guys, bit lost and wishing I was somewhere else
Cheers
Tony
