meeting new people and making friends

[zeemiller]

i have struggled all my life with social situations and meeting new people and making friends. through my life one on one been ok eg when had one good friend or lover etc but never managed to have more than that one person apart from family which im not including in this.
the person im going out with wants me to be more social and meet their friends more and go out as a couple however i struggle as find it all false and hard to keep up an act for a full evening and people in groups or with others do change and act differently. i would like to have more friends but from a child just cant mix or struggle to get on with ppl as never have that effort in me and find a lot of it false. im real stuck as would like to be more social but 1st group i went to ever i struggled and it had to be changed to one on one. if others have problems with social things and making friends where would you start or have you strated etc????
is trying group things with ppl suffering same probs a good idea or????

thanks for reading the msg 8-)

[Sweetpea]

I also struggle with groups and always have. As I have said in my previous post I attended 2 courses with MIND. They were group courses (about 5/6 people), I was dreading it and got myself in a right state. But it was fine, we were all feeling the same, so this made it easier. S x x x x

[Zaf]

I'm not god with groups at all

Z xx

[Catbrian]

It was the best therapy experience for me... can't stick those silent therapists.  But, I don't think I could've dealt with it without a number of therapy sessions under my belt.  Interestingly, most of the ones who continued on the course had also been in therapy

[zeemiller]

wont be easy but after reading replies think now done one on one cbt will in sept talk about trying at least a group that has ppl in that have same probs or had in the past etc

[Catbrian]

Trying to get used to interacting with people through this kind of therapy definitely will help but it might be a little hasty.  The group setting can be a very vulnerable position to be in.  Only you can tell what's most suitable.  Good luck with the search

[Ezel]

Depending on the size of the group depends on how I cope but not for obvious reasons  =+- .  I'm deaf in my right ear so if it's a large group I sometimes have problems hearing everything said.

[Catbrian]

That must feel very disconcerting, Pip.  I remember how detached I felt with a blocked ear.

[movingtables]

I think the struggling in groups could boil down to a control issue.
In a   one-on-one situation you have greater control in contributing and having more input.

When there is 3 or more people then it's harder and it makes you feel like you have to fight for control to get a word in.
next time it happens what you will probably find is that 2 or more in the group will have had their say and they relax a bit and
dont talk as much. when this happens make eye contact and say something to them along the lines of, oh i like that top your wearing.
they'll probably say where they got it. then you say oh right i've never been there im useless as choosing clothese.
and before you know it a conversation has started.

it's a good trick.