Another punch from depression.

[Jess]

Today infact this week has been ok i suppose apart from exams and hospital appointments, but about five minuetes ago i had this overwhelming need to cry, i feels really low in moral.
I hate the way one minuete i go from okish to breaching thoughts of suicide, this is not normal for a 14 year old.  Im beging to frighten my self as ive started looking at places which are sutiable for people to comit suicide im usually rather dark minded, most day i think of methods of death and torture.

i still haven't told anyone about this although its becoming a concern for a few. My class have been set a project of research and ive done mine on murder and cannabalism in horrifying depth.

I could use some words of encouragement.

Thanks for reading, Jess xxx

[FiniteResources]

Hi Jess

I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way. If you don't mind me asking, what are the hospital appointments for?

Do not concern yourself too much with exams. They are a method of testing your ability to memorise facts and figures, presenting them in the style you have been taught. Choose your own style :)

Many here will have had the same thoughts and feelings that you are currently experiencing. Talk to someone you can trust and whom you respect. Writing down all your problems and feelings can also help "clear the head". When I get stressed because of work commitments, I often write them down, and the list is almost always surprisingly shorter than I expected and allows me to focus more effectively.

Take care

FR

[Lil Miss Lost]

Hey Jess  %^&
Iv just read back through all of your posts to get a bigger picture of how you are feeling, my gosh sweetheart you have been through so much, im thinking you havent told anyone of how you have been feeling and please believe me that although it is really really hard you have to talk to someone who can really help you. Im 28 and im only just getting the help now that i shouldve had years ago but they cant help unless you are honest and tell them everything!! I have a 7 year old daughter who is showing signs of depression and that is the main reason i wanted to figure out what i had so i could then help her.

 I always leave it til im in the pit of despair before asking for help so in the last few weeks i have broken down in the doctors room when i told her everything!!! i also kept a bit of a diary about how i had been feeling and looked back on how i had felt in the past, the main thing is if you know something isnt right the sooner you get help the sooner they can help you. She referred me to a psychiatrist and i have finally been diagnosed and getting the right medications as of next week. I had to be TOTALLY honest about everything which scared the life out of me as i was worried they would take my daughter away, but now i have a diagnosis, my family and everyone understand me a bit more, im still in the pit of despair but there is now a light at the end of the tunnell that one day i may feel like those normal happy people! I hope things at school have got a bit easier since you were younger, kids can be so cruel! Sending massive hugs to you Jess wish i could help you feel better xxx

[lightenup]

Hi Hun, hang in there and please see your Dr who can help,  the sooner the better you do it.  Believe me anything you tell them won't shock them.  I have been such a strong women in the past not afraid during high powered meeting taking on anyone.  I now feel like an empty shell, with all the thoughts of suicide, really bad anger, terrible nightmares crying for no reason etc etc. Most people on here all will have similar symtoms 

As soon as I told my Dr, he has been very helpful and believe me nothing has shocked him. Looking back to my teenage years and had also these terrible thoughts and never devulged them.  I was wrong not too.  If I cried my brothers teased me so much, that over the years it has always been me to be the bearer of bad news to my parents, as hid all my emotions and everyone in the family called me the strong one. 

Anyway I now know I should have talked about my feelings, I should have cried at the tragidies etc.  You are the future and you have so much living and loving to do so start by loving yourself and get that help sweetie.