Not sure what to put

[bella]

11 years ago this November I had a baby boy but lost him Christmas Eve of that year, 2001. He was mine and my husbands first child together. It devastated us. I got to the point where I would get drunk every night and self harm to try and take the pain away, but it didn't work. I saw my GP and this was the first time I was put on antidepressants.

Our son died of bilateral adrenal hemorrhage. To this day I am still not sure why it happened and the doctors don't either.

Have had 3 more pregnancies since. 2 of which are with us now and the other I had a missed miscarriage, which was in between the 2 children I have now.

Every Christmas is hard but I have to be strong for my husband and children, it is a day for the boys not for us.

I will never get over the loss of my 2 children.

[Sweetpea]

(((( hugs )))) Bella. Of course you will never forget your babies. Its an awful thing to go through. Really feel for you. S x x x x

[bookletters]

I am so sorry to hear about your tragedy Bella. It is normal to feel you will never forget.
My mum lost a baby 24 years ago and it took her a long time to be able to talk about it without crying. Now she is a lot more serene about it but she never forgets her baby either.
Thinking of you Bella, maybe you should organize a special time with your family to pray / remember the little baby you lost. It could just be lighting a candle, putting his photo up and saying a few words so your children learn that an important member of the family is no longer there but that you are still thinking of him. Maybe it would help you be able to enjoy Christmas more because everyone in the family has not forgotten the baby. Even if you don't say that you are sad about it, children can "feel" things and your children will subconsciously know mummy is sad around Christmas. Perhaps getting them involved (they could make drawings or say a few words) will help the whole family feel emotions aren't being brushed under the carpet.
Thinking of you, I can't imagine what it must be like to have gone through all this xx *()