advice please .........

[liberty]

Hello

I am hoping some one can put my mind at ease. I will tell our story and would be interested in other peoples thoughts or similar expereinces. My husband has had 8 different jobs in 10 years, each time swapping because of being fed up with the management and thinking they are unhappy with his performance etc, at first it seemed that he had been unlucky with his job choices, however the last 3 jobs were different, I watched his moods swing up and down from being really happy with his job too very unhappy, anyway to cut a long story short, he had a bad 3 months of depression, but refused to take any meds. He eventually with much rest improved, but still continued changing jobs, saying he couldnt cope with x y or z people he worked with. He then convinced me to move 100's of miles from our families as a great new job was available and he would be happy working there. So we moved ( as I would do anything to make him happier) after 2 months of being very happy, the cycle started again at first the boss in his mind was not happy with his work, so he got low and wanted to move AGAIN, then I convinced him to ask his boss if everything was ok and when he received the reassurance he was happy agian for a little while, then he started with silly excuses, like he was home sick ( which i knew was a lie) anyway his mood swinges have got worse and started to show signs of depression again, so this time i went along to the doctors with him. He was prescribed meds and was very reluctant to take them ( due to his dad have a bad expereince on meds of this kind) after much pushing from me, he has taken them and has to go back to the docs in 3 weeks for a re check and some bloods. I feel terrible pushing him to take the pills, but im desperate for him to be better and for us to lead a normal settled life.I think the constant fear of his work not being good enough or making a mistake are all part of the depression, and in his mind if he swaps jobs then everything will be ok ( almost like he cant admit that me is ill so he balmes the job)but things only ever improve for a short time. my questions are :
1 ) can the constant job swapping I described be because of the depression / low self astem ? has any one else had the same expereince ?
2) have I done the right thing by making him take the drugs ?

[crystalmagpie]

Hey there Liberty,

First of all, I'd just like to say that you seem like a very decent and caring person, not least patient for putting up with all the upheaval of moving etc. You obviously really love him and It's understandable that you want to encourage your husband to take the pills but in my experience, unless he actually wants to take them himself, then it's not really going to help. From what you have said, he sounds like he has very low self esteem, and just wants to blame something and run away from the problem rather than facing it, which is definately a symptom of depression. In know it sounds a bit obvious, but have you tried sitting him down and asking him how he feels? Depression can be quite a self-absorbed illness and i never knew how much I was hurting my fiance until he sat me down (earlier tonight actually) and told me that the thing that hurts him the most is that he can't help me because I don't truly want to help myself. When I actually thought about it , he was right. I spend all my time wanting to find a way out, but I'm not willing to try anything different. Perhaps he is just so caught up in how miserable it is for him, he doesn't realise how it hurts you? My advice is, tell him how you feel, without blame or criticism, and tell him how much it means to you that he is willing to try taking the drugs for you but it would mean even more if he would do it for himself, and if they don;t work after a couple months, you can try something else. Also, if he has issues from the past relating to his confidence being low, he needs to deal with them as any amount of pills can't erase the past.

Hope I helped a wee bit. Sorry if I didn't, I'm speaking from the other side after all 
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