Lou
There are a couple of people who have said if I need to call them I can. One of them I rang the other day to try and get some support and all they did was talk about their problems straight away (am I being selfish?) and the other one just goes on about how rubbish living in this day and age is and I feel worse. I don't have the energy to talk about things a lot of the time and if I do I struggle to express how I feel. I feel trapped in my own head all the time. I bought a notepad to try and write down how I'm feeling, even if it's only a sentence a day.
I'm lucky with work I know that, because they have been really supportive. They ask me what they can do to help but the things I need they can't give - another of my colleagues has mental health problems; their family fought hard to get the diagnosis and treatment that they have. I don't really have anyone to do that - but that's really what I could do with to be honest, just have someone fighting my corner with all the bureaucratic rubbish and waiting lists and hoops to jump through. I am so self concious all the time with work, I feel useless and lost. I get paranoid and think that people are monitoring me and if I'm not up to scratch the directors will get rid of me, especially since finances aren't great at the minute, so I have all that going on in my head at the same time. But I do generally like working there. I just feel so invisible - like a strange little cardboard cut out of a person who isn't real and doesn't know anything and doesn't have a single funny or intelligent thought in my head. I can't come up with anything to say to people.
