No future

[Got]

I don't know what I am supposed to do anymore. I feel like I have lost my sense of purpose. I want to be happy, that is my goal, but I don't know how to do it, and I have failed at every attempt because I ruin everything.

I dont sleep properly, and I ruminate over negative thoughts for every single moment of my day....I just think about losing the girl I fell in love with. Maybe this is my OCD, I dont know. All I can do is think about what I have lost.

I am holding onto my Phd because 'that is what I want' yet I only know that I want to be happy. I am supposed to travelling to different countries on research quite soon, but I dont care anymore. I'm loosing interest in life. I dont have any ideas for the future...the future is just a big empty space.

People have it so much harder than me....I should be happy, but for some reason I have given up and the assertive, adventurous person I used to be has gone.

Is this depression making me think like this? I dont know anymore, as I have been so down for so long...I can't distinguish between a depressive thought and a belief. I have become so confused, I dont know what to do. I feel like a different person. I dont know where I want to live, who I want to be around, or how I want to spend my days.

Is this normal for depression?....to see the future as an empty space? Could it be the mirtazipine has made me give up?

[Zaf]

yes Stevie, that is the depression making you feel as you do, try to tackle each day as it comes and not worry or think about the future too much if you can (I know, easier said than done )  I spent most of yesterday afternoon worrying what would happen when my mum dies (she's elderly but not ill at all) and the hassle I will have with my sister sorting out the will (I'm a joint executor with the chap that is accountant for the business), it pulled me even lower than I already was,  Ive no idea why I kept worrying about it,  it could be 10 years in the future....

[Lol]

Yes this is depression making you feel like this. You can trust that better feelings and perspective will return in time. You are currently unable to think that way because of depression. try to detach your 'self' from this feeling and don't believe it. Imagine it's like being under stage hypnosis and something is making you act completely differently and believe thinks are not as they seem. Things are not as they seem Stevie. Trust the person you once were. He will return again. Hold on.

[Got]

I suppose you are right. I have seriously considered taking time of (ie.e getting a medical suspension of my Phd), to give me some time to becomemore stable, because somedays I am sick with depression and I can't work. I don't want to tell those at work, because I know they will talk and stigmatise, and they will see me as being weak and being unable to cope. Even though they will be nice to my face, I know what goes on behind your back. Besides, taking time of might make, me worse.

[Bewildered]

I think it def depends on the kind of personality you are. The doctor told my partner not to take time off as  it would give him something to get up for each day. xx

[Zaf]

I think it may depend on what is causing or worsening your depression,  in my case several times its been my job so to stay away from work has been a good idea for me

[bloody serotonin]

If you think something other than work is getting you down then don't take time off. It will make you feel worse. I moan 5 days a week because I don't feel like getting out of bed to go to work but come the weekend all i do is sit at home feeling sorry for myself. Obviously it is your call, but in my case it didn't work.

[hairyyahoo]

i feel exactly the same way about the future most of the time, if i'm in a slightly more positive frame of mind i can kinda see it as empty because i haven't chosen what to put in it yet. finding purpose and happiness in life can be a right pain in the chuff at times. it's the sheer amount of choice that baffles me the most. we can do just about anything we choose to do with out lives, just as long as we choose...and when you think that some of us can take ages in picking something to eat from a resturant menu it's easy to understand how we can get lost in our own lives.

don't actually know if any of that was actually helpful or even relevant to anything so feel free to nuke it if you want

either way i'll beam ya some good thoughts

[Depina]

Makes sense to me, I know exactly what you mean.
Don't let it get too late, you find yourself older(like me now) and wondering why I haven't stepped out and done anything crazy/unusual/life changing, whatever,in my life. --Because as you said -What ? I don't/can't make a choice. 

XX

[Munchroom]

...and when you think that some of us can take ages in picking something to eat from a resturant menu it's easy to understand how we can get lost in our own lives.

Resturant menu's are bloody difficult things to be fair! 

Stevie, it is definetly the depression and not the AD. It makes us question everything - icluding the desicions we make about the tiniest of things, so much so that it gets so hard to make the desicion in the first place...