I've officially moved in down in Dorset. I've moved most of my stuff and seen my mother twice in a week, I hadn't seen her for almost half a year but we did the usual superficial chatter to avoid anything real. I'm now job hunting but I know it'll take a while as I need a job I can cope with, plus it's likely my last place won't give me a reference. Today I'm seeing my doctor about my sick note, hopefully it'll be extended til the end of my notice or I'll have to be in Somerset for a few more weeks and work will be beyond awkward. I've also looked into university next year but I need a doctor's note to say my depression was why I quit last time otherwise I won't get funded. I'm not sure how difficult that'll be as I'm with a different doctor now and I wasn't on medication at the time, just therapy through my last uni.
Friday I'm going to London for the weekend with my boyfriend as his sister lives there. The main reason I'm personally going is that my dad is buried there. He died when I was 6, I have only recently found out where he was buried. Also until a couple of weeks ago I thought he'd died when I was 5, not 6. Nobody ever spoke to me about my dad, why he died, when, and who he was as a person. A relative of mine got in contact after about 18 years and she has been a great help and insight into my mum and dad's lives, why she's the person she is and who my dad was. He was the affectionate parent, the one who hugged and helped me with school work. I lost a lot when I lost him, my mum's unable to be that type of person.
It's all been a huge upheaval, I'd wish I could take a break. But I owe work a lot of money I just can't afford until I get a new job and I really need to be able to pay my way. I've bought a jird as a pet, she came home last night and it's great to have company. Now I'm talking to her while my boyfriend's at work instead of myself
I'm making great progress, but I'm hugely scared that I'll break or something so terrible will happen that everything will fall around my feet. It's all hanging on a thread right now.
