Long term depression

[Got]

Thanks very much Steve.

Are you able to drive? Or could anyone come to get you? Have told anyone about your depression?

I know this is of little consolation, but I hope you are ok, and I am hoping that you start to get better soon.

Steve

[SteveW]

Thanks for your post. Everyone who knows me knows about my depression. I am very open about it-it's why I use my real name
on this Forum rather than a nickname. Trouble is the few friends I have got left are all suffering from health problems and
I can't really inflict myself on them. One of them is dying of lung cancer, one is recovering from a burst brain aneurysm,
and the last is struggling with diabetes. They email me regularly which is about all I can ask. If the isolation gets too
much the local mental health services have a respite house where you can spend two or three weeks as an alternative to
going into hospital. I can always make use of that.

[Lol]

That sounds like a good idea steve? What do you feel about that? Would it help at the moment?

[Got]

Agreed.....change of scenery and being with people? Maybe it could help you?

[SteveW]

To be honest I'm quite ambivalent about the respite house. My psychiatrist knows I lived in a commune for some years during
the 60's and he presented it as some kind of mutual support commune for people with mental health difficulties. When
pressed a slightly different picture emerged. He told me that the bulk of the clients were schizophrenics in the middle of
breakdowns who were there to give their families respite from their behavior. Having just escaped psychosis by the skin of
my teeth recently I'm not sure I want to be dropped right into the middle of madness.

Then there is a matter of pride. In 40 years of depression I have avoided two things-in patient treatment and ECT. The
respite house sounds very close to in patient treatment to me. It could be that I could be forced into it. I might get
completely unable to look after myself, or get seriously suicidal, then my choice might be forced. At the minute I am
regarding it as an emergency backup. If things become impossible at home it's open to me. I'm still not on the maximum
dose of Venlafaxine and I still have hopes of responding. There are other drug options too. At the minute I'm avoiding
overdosing despite having a house full of drugs so I can carry on a while longer.

[Lol]

I understand your point of view there Steve. Any chance you're rolling in cash and could afford a much nicer type of 'respite care' that is more like a holiday for recouperation than a dose of the same? I really think being around people would be good for you at the moment. It sounds from what you have said that you need some mental distraction and stimulation and a reason to get up, wash and eat. A pleasant social surrounding might be helpful? but from what you have said about the respite care I agree that maybe that isn't the best way for you to go unless absolutely necessary right now.

On the off chance that you do have a lotto type amount in your bin,... a cruise?? 

[Holykimura]

 the local mental health services have a respite house where you can spend two or three weeks as an alternative to
going into hospital. I can always make use of that.

I have experience of one of these and I can recommend it for what it's worth, the staff were great and treat you much better than  on a ward, they'll talk to you whenever and take you out for walks, plus you can talk to other patients, good luck  :)

[Got]

Have you thought about over dosing? This isnt a suggestion....I'm responding to your comment about you being able to avoid doing it.

 

[SteveW]

Hi Stevie. Whenever anyone tells me they suffer from depression but have not thought of suicide I tend to think that they can't be very severely depressed. I'm down in the depths of psychotic depression and my mind regularly turns to being dead as an option. But I've been fighting depression since 1971, and that includes suicidal thoughts. I've never made a suicide attempt along the way and I am programmed to resist it. The only complicating factor in this episode is that I am amply supplied with drugs to do it. Before he died my dad was on oral morphine for his breathing and s/c Heroin for pain. When he died I inherited quite a big stock of opiates. So far I am limiting my consumption to the odd dose of morphine when I am in a lot of pain and I haven't been tempted to start drinking it by the glass full. Although I am low I haven't yet lost all my fight.I think I will be carrying on for a while yet.