I'm sure no one will read this wall of text, but for anyone who sticks it out any and all advice is welcome....
I recently changed career, having spent 10 years working in a workshop for the oil and gas industry, to working offshore with the same company (a change made at my own request). I made this change becaus I felt it was something I should try. Unfortunately it turned out it was a life I was ill suited for. The first few trips I did left me feeling ill, physically ill, because I wasn't able to cope with the stresses of the job. I talked it over with my boss and he agreed to move me back into the workshop. All good so far. Two weeks later I was sent offshore with 5 hours notice to do a job I had no idea how to do. To say it was torture would be an understatement. After 5 days I realized I had to get home, but I was terrified of what would happen. I still have a half renovated house that I share with my ex wife that I need to pay for, and my family certainly can't afford to sustain me. I know it sounds selfish but the guilt was awful, and I put off and put off making the phone call for another 4 days. On the 9th day I found myself sitting on deck at 3am with a stanley knife, my thinking being that if I was injured they would have to bring me home. Realizing how messed up I was, I finally made the call and was brought home 3 days later, and a friend was brought out to replace me. The job has now gone south and he'll be stuck offshore for Christmas.
Because of me.
I've now managed to become the most disliked person in the building. No one will reply to my emails. I'm no longer copied on any updates from jobs. No one will speak to me.
I had thought that my coming home would fix things, but instead I've ruined my job, lost all my friends and made everything much, much worse.
