Hiya, could really do with someone to talk to. im 14 years old

[Jess]

Hello, my names Jess :) and im fourteen years old, you may have read my post on the new members forum. For you who haven't then this is why i joined: -

I have been depressed since the age of 6, due to many health issues i have been left with not serious but unpleasent side effects from medication which has lead to severe bullying in primary school, i have been beaten by other students and tied to fences. This bullying has caused me to have a extreme lack of confidence which has effected my everyday life, i am extremally paranoid and it is ruining my life. I have thought of suicide but i have ambitions for the future so i will not end my torment. To people who don't know me i look and seem normal if anything a little shy, but my life has been a battle with illness, i have had meningitus twice and many other viruses, diseases. I know have a kidney disease most commenly found in Asian males and type one diabeties, i have to do 4 daily injection just to stay alive. I feel very understated and misunderstood. I achieve extremally well in school gaining multiple A*. This may seem great but i know that everyday i will have to inject myself, on my birthday, wedding day unless a cure is found for my conditions. I know full well that majority of people have it worse then me, i just want people to understand that just cause im not physically dying doesn't mean im not dying inside.

I have an obbsession with death which has lead me to doubt my mental stability even further, i would never purposley harm another living being, but i tend to let my mind roam. People describe me as kind and nice, but thats not how i see myself, i am a waste of resources and medical time. If ni knew that one day i could wake up and be free of all health problems then that would be great, but until then i am still going to be the little depressed diabetic who is in and out of hospital, yet physically looks normal. Infact i wish i looked disabled so people wouldn't expect so much (that sounds awful and i apologise) i know that i would be capable of more if i didn't have my health problems but others don't see that. I know i need to seek help but it has taken years for me to tell any one how i feel. My lack of emotion towards others has caused an end to all of my relationships including friendships.

Im sorry if i sound inappropriate but this is how i feel. Thanks for listening. x

[**Drowning**]

Hi sweetheart

so sorry you feel like this.  I think you best go speak to your doctor - alone - and discuss this with him in detail.  You can't go on like this and you need to take steps to making your life better, especially at your age.  I went through an awful time at your age (minus illness) and can appreciate the strains you are under.

Please speak to a doctor.  Don't leave it until you are my age and wishing you had done it sooner xx

[Flea]

You are 14 years old, yet you can write so eloquently, go through so much heartache and have the courage to express yourself and be open with your feelings.  You are amazing.  :) xxx

[Jess]

Thanks for all the kind words, it means a lot to know that somebody cares.

[Matface_lost_in_you]

Wow, you're so young and yet you have so much to deal with -hat off-. You say that the majority of people have it worse than you, i'd have to say that you're probably wrong about that. Quite frankly you are an inspiration, you're so strong even in the face of everything. I dont really know what else to say... i guess, you seem pretty damn great to me and i'm sure there's plenty of people here that you can talk to. Everyone seems so nice here, i've never found anything like it - most baffling O.o

[Jess]

Thank you all for replying, im having a really tough time lately, but im not sure why, i have what appears to be a great life, i have friends but truth be told i don't like people, i have a stable homelife but im so alone.
I need to know that i have a purpose, a reason for living.
Reading these replies had me in tears. I feel so lost.
I need to know that im worth something, otherwise life just isn't worth it please help me

[crystalmagpie]

Hi Hun,

I agree with **Drowning**

I have screwed up my adulthood because I wouldn't get help in my teens. Please don't do the same. You are a brave, intelligent young woman and you should not apologise for how you feel. You say you have ambitions? May I ask what they are? x x x x x

[Jess]

Thanks for reading my post Crystalmagpie, i hope to study criminology in the future and have a family when im older. As much as i hate life, i know that if i tried i could help society in someway. xxx