Need Help

[LisaR]

My name is Lisa.  I suffer from depression and everything that goes with it.  Im in that dark place just now trying to fight my way out but finding it hard.   I have just found out my partner and my so called friend have been meeting in secret.  I caught them. I know I need help and have started the ball rolling with regards to a support networks of friends but I know if I get to the point of no return then the relief that a bottle of pills bring is waiting for me.

[craig84]

Welcome lisa,  too many times have i been in that dark place so i can empathise completely.  From experience the bottom of the bottle as appealing as it is could cause more damage than the result you may be after.  I know its easier said than done however its not the answer!  Your reaching out which is great and this has proved great for me as i am not really supported in my physical life.  The people who do truly care about me live pretty far so thats not an option.

The betrayal you must feel i can empathise with too as ive experienced the same being cheated on in the past by 2 ex's.  Im sorry your having to go through that but if its a case that you have been betrayed then after your time is done feeling sorry for yourself,  as thats part of the process,  we'll be here to bounce off with any information we can give for you to help yourself!

What treatment/s are you under for your depression?

[LisaR]

I have reached the bottom before and the relief I felt once I had the pills was immense.  I was found and 'sorted' that was 12months ago.  I had a complete breakdown a couple of years ago and I cant go through that kind of pain again.
Not only am I on my own but because I cant afford to stay in my home I will now loose my home and my job again.
Im a realist not a dreamer so I know where this ends.
60mg Floxetine per day now.
I am fighting but getting so tired of having to fight to keep my head above water.
I dare not cry. I darent let anyone give me a hug, I feel frightened of the way I feel.

[craig84]

My doctor prescribes me paroxotine which helps with anxiety and depression but im not one for being consistant in taking pills. My own worst enemy in this case.  I just dont want to rely on meds,  i was fine once without them so i persevere with doin it without...  Although dont listen to me apparently we "need"  these meds to recover. 

Im homeless myself,  bouncing between places and struggling to find work to sustain paying my own rent. I dont want to admit defeat which is why im still fighting.  I dont want to die because i feel miserable about things in my life,  i want to change them things and since ive been here ive been trying to no avail yet but if your a realist youll understand that there is no quick fix short of winning the lottery and changing the things that bring you down. 

By reading what youve wrote so far you still have a roof over your head and a job under your feet at the moment.  Its hard to try and help not knowing everything but your more than welcome here we will support and empathise as much as we can and aomeone may have answers to questions you have here!

[Pip]

Hi Lisa,

I haven't been cheated on so I have been fortunate and my husband and I have been through so much together that it has probably helped our marriage to work.

It is horrible being at rock bottom a number of times and these times are getting closer and closer.  The only difference now is that at least I can tell my husband how I am feeling.

[JC]

Hi Lisa

This must be very hard for you! I have never been cheated on, my partner and I had a rock solid relationship, but suppose I feel a little angry with him at times for cheating me out of more time with him by dying. However, the anger and pain of what has been done to you must be horrible for you to deal with.

Being in that dark place is awful and you have my sympathies. I am not in the best place to offer advice but let yourself cry and if you have someone to give you a hug let them do it;  I was so afraid of my feelings that I just didn't let them out and became quite ill as a result.

Fighting everything every day is very wearing but, as you have seen from Craig and Pip, this is a supportive little community and, hopefully, being on here may help you a little.