Hi, I'm new

[Becky123]

Hi everyone, just thought I'd say a little about me and why I'm here.

I lost my mum to cancer 9 1/2 years ago when I was only 12, then lost my nan 6 months later, she couldn't cope with loosing her daughter. My aunt and uncle on my mums side kind of drifted off because dad didn't make the effort to stay in touch and we were too young. Dad moved on so quickly (my step-mum remembers when my Nan died so he was at the latest with her then) and hid it from us then when he finally told us about her he was already engaged and was telling us because she was moving in. I made the effort with my step-mum but she resented me for being there because she has lots of problems with her own children and she is depressed herself. I'm the youngest of my siblings so was last to leave home. My step-mum made my life a misery, she knew I was depressed and she fuelled it, told my dad she was going to leave because of me and he told me if that happened I would never hear the end of it. I went to Uni in 2010 and struggled to keep in contact with my family at all. Went back for Christmas and was forced to leave after 2 weeks when I had 5 off Uni. That's the last time I've seen my dad, step-mum and brother (my sister still sees me occasionally). I've had many abusive messages off my step-mum though and my dad even was in a car accident and she didn't tell me until 6 months later but then said that she did tell me and I didn't want to know, so I'm guessing she told my dad this too. She's also rang up over £2000 of debt on credit cards in my name which hopefully I have now sorted but who knows when she might try it again or what she will try next to ruin my life.

Sorry for such a long post and if it doesn't make sense because I tried to make it as short of possible but say everything. Basically I'm lost and very on my own, can't remember ever being truly happy except with my mum. I haven't properly grieved my mum, never even started grieving my nan it's just one thing after another that gets in the way. Now I don't know how to, no one tells you how to when it was 9 years ago. 

[stewart]

Hi Becky, welcome to the forums.
sounds like you have had a lot of bad luck hitting you hard, but have done a good job by going to uni,

as for your step mum maxing out credit cards in your name, that is fraud, the courts dont look at that lightly and she could find herself in prison.

[Becky123]

Forgot to mention one thing, the stress of it all caused me to quit uni. They found out WI was self-harming which doesn't go well with a teaching course, I had to miss my placement then couldn't catch up so I quit!

[craig84]

Hi Becky,

Welcome and thank you for sharing your story with us! Stewart is right but reading your post it seems like you have that dealt with. fingers crossed.

I completely relate to your story of going through this alone but this is helping me a lot being here. like im forging a new family as mine are so messed up and torn apart. I still try and hold us together though... fighting a loosing battle as my family have been separated since I was 7 but I still don't want to accept we are as dysfunctional as we are.. I've even thought of disappearing and not having anything to do with them, change my name so I cant be found and try getting on with my life, but I cant.... there my family and as bitter as I am towards them Id do anything for them... I have high family values put it that way.

its hard to write everything in one message so don't worry.  ive often wrote paragraphs then deleted them and rewrote them... tend to think far too much lol

jeeze I talk so much I just wanted to say hey and welcome lol

[Becky123]

Thanks Craig, my family is past that though, my dad has chosen his new wife over me 

[craig84]

can relate to that with mum choosing her husband and his wishes and desires over her kids... has always been the same... still is really...  even though he is the biggest mistake she made by leaving my dad for him and she even admitted this its like rubbing salt in the wounds... all ive been through over the separation feels like it was for nothing because she regrets leaving my dad...

have to get over this somehow I just don't know how to no matter how much I read and try..

will keep trying though I don't want to give up on myself. im the only one fighting for me so I have to keep on!

think my family is past that point of reconciliation too if im honest... I just don't want to accept it as the whole family break up destroyed my life

[Pip]

 :welcome: Becky,

As Stewart pointed out what your step mum did comes under fraud which comes under fraud so you can get legal advice on that matter.

I'm sorry you have had to suffer for so long due to her behaviour.  Whilst your dad had the right to move on with his life he could have been handled better.

I do understand how hurtful family can be.  I fell out with my family after the last argument I had with my sister.  It was a stupid one but I had got to the point of not being able to cope any more with the way they treated me.  I did get in touch with my parents almost 3 years later but it was mainly letter contact as that's all I could bear.  However they never told me anything important such as my mum breaking her leg and having the tips of some of her fingers removed ~ she was diabetic amongst other things.  I only found this out because my dad wrote a letter letting me know my mum had been in hospital for several weeks which was in response to me asking if any close members had glaucoma.  I had been asked this when I had my eyes tested.

My sister and I started talking again the day our mum died as she was the one who rang me, we hadn't spoken for 12 years.  On the day of my funeral my aunt can count herself fortunate that I didn't tell her a few home truths as she complained that nobody knew where I was.  I just politely told her that my mum and dad knew where we were.  She went bright red then said, 'Oh of course, that's tight Caroline rang your."

I don't know why family have to be so nasty but I can empathize.     

[craig84]

hope your ok Becky !!

[Wilcocks123]

Hello Becky!!

I am also new to the forum, and can understand how hard it is to lose a key person in your life.  I lost my Dad 17 years ago when I was 23.

I too have written posts and really feel this is such a positive way forward

Love Dina xxx