How do i do it ??

[cloudedvision]

I don't get it !!!
I have been treated like utter s**it* 
Over and over I let him hurt me, the lies, the cheating.
I meet someone who wants to care for me, be there for me, love me even and I push them away 
I just cant do it, don't think im still pining for my ex, know I don't want him anymore but when a nice guy likes me I run away

Maybe its just me, maybe im being too fussy....but well  when he kissed me there was no feeling whatsoever 
As nice as he was and as much as he liked me I cant bare the thought of leading him on and hurting him....that would be like de ja vu only not me being hurt this time

Does anyone have any advice on how to forget a past relationship that has hurt you?
Maybe some advice on how to move on?
I know I DONT want to be with my ex, I know I DONT love him anymore, its been 9 months now yet I still cant move on and let myself be loved
Am I doing something wrong? Is it me? Am I wrong? 

[stewart]

Hi cloudedvision,
i think you are stuck in a hard place to get out of,
i do not think one can ever forget a past relationship, when you have been treated in a bad way, it is understandable you have the fear in the back of your mind that another bloke will do the same to you.

and if a past relationship ended because your partner passed away it is something tragic, in such a case maybe we tend to build a wall around ourself as a protection so by not letting anyone in, we can avoid getting hurt again.

[craig84]

I wouldn't be so hard on yourself, yeah its great to have someone tick so many boxes for you but if the attraction isn't there you cant force it!

I think our past experiences not so much make us fussy but more aware of what we see as acceptable. id consider myself fussy to an extent and I do the same you do, push the good away from me... its a defence mechanism. rather than give them the chance to hurt me ill push them away first to avoid it. no matter how good for me they may be. I know its not healthy to do that because if I don't take the risk I may never be happy with someone.
ive learnt to take my time with things like that these days.

I agree with stewart I don't think you can forget a past relationship....

when you lose something that is important to you, its like a  bereavement, years later you could be walking down the street and see something or someone to reminds you of this - if it makes you sad think of the good things you had with that person, and before the bad thoughts of being treated badly or being taken for granted come in tell yourself that you will have what you deserve one day... you will get it when your truly ready.

I used to forget past relationships by meeting someone new or throwing myself into work... meeting someone new is always risky because they could end up being rebounds or you rush things trying to move on.... throwing yourself into work just preoccupies your mind from thinking but it helps a little.

hope it helps :) if you want any advice lemme know :)