For a good few months I was doing well, doctors even talking about reducing my meds, but I was managing to stall that for a few more weeks ; ) I myself was starting to think about trying a reduced meds cos things were ticking along ok here - my daughter is safe and happy in her SEN school, my son whilst hard work as a terrible threer is only doing what he should be at this age and enjoys pre school, I am studying part time to go back to my pre children career in September and then yesterday it all went wrong....
I was suspended from my part time job for a breach of confidentiality. I sent an email yesterday morning and admittedly may have said too much (but didn't give out personal details, numbers or put anyone's life at risk) but within an hour I was suspended and told to leave the premises pending investigation. *^*
I drove home in shock and phoned my husband once in in tears. Thankfully he is being incredibly supportive and feels I was dealt with unfairly - not given a chance to put my argument forward, not told exactly what I had done wrong etc. So yesterday was a blur and I was pretty upset and confused.
Didn't sleep well last night and this morning have woken to that 'swimming in treacle' feeling (someone wrote that phrase on here and it was quite apt). Guessed I was just down from yesterday but all those old feelings are coming back, feeling low, feeling stupid, going over and over it all, anxiety about the investigation and meeting, anger, not wanting to go out, wanting to hold my kids so tight to me, on the verge of tears all the time, wanting to just sleep, can't sleep, no appetite, short tempered and then guilty, feeling sad for no reason, crying at adverts.......
I have one friend who is going through depression at the moment but guess what, she is my line manager at work so I can't exactly talk to her at the moment can I?! She didn't do the suspending etc, it was from higher than her but obviously she is involved as well. Hubby only wants to talk for so long and tbh I don't want to keep going over how stupid I have been, with him. I don't have many other friends, none I could say all this to anyways so came on here to rant again.
And no, I don't feel much better having typed all this out!
