I enjoy the appointments with my Care-Coordinator (C.P.N.), she is one of the better ones. It took me the best part of a year, and a bundle of complaints, to get to where I am today with the CMHT. I am pleased I stuck it out. However, it is never easy to stand up for ourselves when depression has us by the throat. The whole experience was a very difficult challenge, but it did develop a better understanding all round.
My only complaint would be the Coordinator kinda overstays her welcome a little bit. After an hour being in the company of another person, my head starts to get all fuzzy. When we are approaching the two hour mark, I'm no longer taking anything in and feel desperate to be alone again. Thankfully, she had a couple of calls, which she had to rush away for in the end.
She has left me a load of info on Personality Disorder - which I have been writing about at length under the PD section. There are two major support groups in South London for people with this condition, but I need to organise a car before I can attend. She has also made a referral to the "complex needs service". If I am accepted after assessment, I will attend group therapy once per week for 18mths. I will also meet for 1-2-1 with the therapist every week and if I have problems, I can call the Therapist at any time for additional weekly support. It's a very intense project. I am surprised that such specialist services are available for PD, perhaps I fail to see the seriousness of the condition.
So, overall, today I am feeling tired (due to lack of sleep) but I do feel positive and optimistic. I never thought I could ever feel this way again. When we are depressed, life can feel so hopeless and any kind of recovery is far beyond our imagination. But, believe me, under that cloak of dark depression, the real you is not lost forever, but still in existence, buried somewhere underneath all that crap.
