Hello

[Richie C]

Evening everyone. I suppose I had better give you my background and why I joined here. My name is Rich, everyone calls me Richie. I am not a sufferer with Depression, but my absolutley amazing girlfriend is. We have been together a while and have known each other since we were young, her mum was best friends with my mum and strange as it may seem I was a few years older and remember the day she came out of hospital after being born. My grilfriend has had it pretty rough, her mum died when she was 9 and then her dad committed suicide a few years later so was an orphan in her early teens. She has been pushed from pillar to post and all throughout this I was in the armed forces and was serving abroad so had little contact with my girlfriend during this period. She dated one guy before we were together and he would abuse her, physically and mentally not understanding the reasons why she would cry and break down, he would just call her names then it came to light he was a drug user and also had been sleeping with other women behind her back so that really knocked her confidence.

I had been love with her for years, but never had the courage to tell her until we both got talking one night and found we had more in common that we had realised. She then told me that she felt the same way and here we are planning our wedding for next year. I really had no idea that she suffered with depression as she seemed happy, but when one year I found her in the hallway of our home crying and shaking I was scared and didn't know what had happened, it was at that point she told me and I have now seen her when her depression gets really bad. I really want advice as I do not understand what she is going through, she shuts down and doesn't talk, she doesn't like me being apart from me and with me working shifts she tends to come to work with me on evenings, being alone is her worst time, she says that just having me about is what helps her so I am lucky that I have a good job, although I am looking to change to day work so I can be at home for evenings and weekends so she doesn't feel alone. I don't know if this clingy part is down to her depression, but I really don't mind, I love being with her so accept this without any issue. She also has a tendancy to text and phone throughout the day alot and again this is not a problem.

I just really want to know is there anything more I can do for her? I know she takes medication, but never shows me it so I do not know what it is.

I am sorry to ramble on, but I want to be able to give her the best care I can.

Cheers
Rich

[Catbrian]

Hi Richie

You're girlfriend is very fortunate to have such a supportive fiancé, but I couldn't help wondering if she has other professional support.   You do mention she is on medication, so assume this is Antidepressants.  Maybe she might consider some form of therapy.  If that idea is a bit scary for her, perhaps you could go together.

The best advice I can offer is to spend time reading through the Forum.  People talk openly about their depression in a way they can never do with loved-ones.  I think all depressives shut down and tend to push our nearest and dearest away.  I suppose that all stems from feeling that people, who have no personal experience of depression, can find it impossible to grasp how lonely and desolate that place can be.

It sounds to me like your doing a good job, but might benefit from that outside professional guidance.  Stick around, I'm sure you will develop a deeper understanding

[Richie C]

Hi Catb, she has been going to counselling since she was 10. She had a good counsellor once, but when she was transferred to an NHS one it was pretty dismal for her and she found that it made her feel worse. I have contacted a local private place that a friend recommended that deals with a lot of poeple who suffer with PTSD, so spoke with them and they said they would be more than happy to see her, so i am waiting for an appointment date. She wasn't keen about me going which is fine, but has recently changed and wants me to go even if I just wait outside for her.

Her medication is anti-depressants, but I have no idea what they are, it's something I don't pry into and she hates taking them, makes her ill. She has also become worried about her weight as she tends to eat a lot when she has her worst days, I keep telling her that she looks great (and she does), but this makes her feel worse.

I have been reading everything on here and some of the information, especially about relationships and partners has been so insightful.

[stemcell]

I would just like to echo CatB statement that she is fortunate to have you......well done to you for taking time and making the effort to find out about our condition......it may be that she could consider changing her anti- depressants if they make her feel ill...just something to consider..... good luck to you both....

[stewart]

it is so very good that you found out your feelings for each other and are together.
it is unfortunate that this other guy was in her life to mess with her mind.

it sounds like you are doing as much as you can for her, understanding and being there for her is a beautiful thing indeed.

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome  *()

The other posts have just about said it all, your girlfriend is very lucky to have such a caring person trying to help her, everyone here will help as much as they can.


Z xxx

[Pip]

Hi and welcome +-_

Was your girlfriend in foster care or moved around family members?

Either way she has been through a traumatic time and may be suffering with PTSD as well as being depressed.  It can be tough enough to lose parents anyway but it's worse for younger people.  My husband was 14 when his dad died and that was when his depression started,  He would make me promise not to die before him which I hated doing as I couldn't guarantee that.  It wouldn't be surprising if your girlfriend has that fear as well.  She may also have trust issues as well which can stem from being in care / being with family members due to being moved around as she wasn;t given that chance to learn to trust anybody.

[Richie C]

Thanks for making me feel welcome everyone. She has changed medication a few times in the last three years (I also think that her change in contraceptive pill was also a factor at first). She was left with her fathers different girlfriends at various times then went to her grandparents before going to University and again there the other people she lived with found it difficult to be around her as her depression really took hold being on her own for most of the time.

She really hates it when I go away any where, I deal in security for the government and as such have a firearm which she sees as me being in the firing line and that doesn't help, I have been asked to go out to Afghanistan again and she hates that no end, hence the need for a job change.

I'm not sure about PTSD, I can't be sure how it works with people, a few of my friends have it so can only compare them to her, but you could be right thinking about it, she does talk alot about the past, especially her ex, but I think that is more so I don't do the same things as he did.

Thank you all for your help, it has been a real eye opener to read what other people go through on a daily basis.