is this it?

[GrumpyChump]

I often think to myself, is this life all have to offer? Is this as good as that life is going to get for me and whether any of this is actually worth it. All I have to do is look around and see people just getting on with it, getting on with what they are doing be it shopping, working, hobbies whatever. I just sit and thank that its all so much effort to do anything, I find it exhausting just talking with people these days and don't find much point in it. And the people I talk to about stuff like this always say the same things "oh your a great lad", "you make people laugh" and "you'll get through it", but I'm not I'm not any of these things and I won't do anything cause I'm too busy hating myself and trying to help others to ensure I don't end up being selfish. Surely thats not how life should go, there has to be something, the hope is dwindling though.

Really sorry for the rant I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Martin]

I often think to myself, is this life all have to offer? Is this as good as that life is going to get for me and whether any of this is actually worth it. All I have to do is look around and see people just getting on with it, getting on with what they are doing be it shopping, working, hobbies whatever. I just sit and thank that its all so much effort to do anything, I find it exhausting just talking with people these days and don't find much point in it. And the people I talk to about stuff like this always say the same things "oh your a great lad", "you make people laugh" and "you'll get through it", but I'm not I'm not any of these things and I won't do anything cause I'm too busy hating myself and trying to help others to ensure I don't end up being selfish. Surely thats not how life should go, there has to be something, the hope is dwindling though.

Really sorry for the rant I just don't know what to do anymore.

Firstly; YOU are NOT alone! Many people here (including myself) understand what you're going through, feel your pain and can totally relate to your suffering. Many of us experience it, like yourself, every single damn day.
Immerse yourself in these forums for a while and talk to people. See how others cope (many not very well but many quite well indeed). Don't expect miracles. My big mistake is expecting every 'high' to stay with me but it doesn't.
It does seem like &$%+ most days and I, like yourself, wonder what the heck is the point.

Don't ever feel like you have nobody to talk to. We are here and we listen.

Martin

[MrsR]

I to try to help people so i can focus on others rather then on myself and its led to the current breakdown and whilst I was trying to be the strong one and help these family members through there depression, they both done a runner when I had my breakdown.. trying to take to much on and now i am exhausted and think death would be a welcome peace from my mind.. BUT I know what an impact it will have if i do kill myself to the people that actually care about me. As you can tell its started off as a good day today ask me tomorrow and my answer would probably different. Hope your ok though xxx

[GrumpyChump]

Thanks for the replies, I'll hopefully take these on board (memory is not great though) I find myself punishing myself a lot for ever trying to be happy and that scares me as how can I get anywhere if I'm just going to punish myself for it anyway. I've also found that I've really started to dislike people and that includes "friends", even if they haven't done anything to make me change my mindset. I'm scared to talk to the university counsellor in case she threatens not to let me leave the room - has happened before in less intense circumstances - therefore just making everything worse. I used to have a coping mechanism, not a great one but worked ever so slightly but I don't want to go back to that again as I have to see the results of that everyday as it is

I hope you both have a good day

[Martin]

What was your coping mechanism?

[GrumpyChump]

Self harm, most days. Sorry I thought I had put that in, its been really really difficult not to go back

[Wallow]

I know exactly how you feel. When everything takes so much effort & time seems to pass so slowly and weigh heavy with emptiness it is difficult to know where to turn. When other people around you take enjoyment from things i just find futile it makes me feel more lost and alone. Recently i have found this forum helpful. Just to hear people echoing how i feel & responding in a way that i know they have truely understood does help a bit for me. You will reach a point when you will feel less bad & you just have to hang in there until then. I hope tomorrow is better for you.

[Catbrian]

We are all guilty of ranting on here so never hold back or feel sorry

Please try remember in your lowest moments, that we tend to hold very low opinions of ourselves and are partial to a little warped perception of our lives.  The people around you probably ARE right, 'you are a great lad', probably DO 'make them laugh' and most importantly of all, these people who sound like they love you dearly, believe "You'll get through it".

Helping others certainly does bring us out ourselves and stops us from becoming too selfish.  I've often found, the more I reach out to others and help where and when I can, it comes back ten-fold and can be one of the best antidepressants you can get. "What goes around, comes around"

[Pip]

It does seem to be a common factor that we don't see the good in ourselves that other people.  I know I don't like telling people how I really feel on a bad day as my thoughts are that I am miserable about nothing and there are people far worse off than me so I shouldn't be self pitying.