Losing my grip on things!

[niz]

My cbt therapist says she feels there is no more she can offer,my gp has told me to carry on taking meds but doesnt need to see me for a couple of months.Christmas is coming up and finances are tight,I am the only earner in our family so trying to work with depression is difficult but is a must,my wife has told me that i am putting a strain on her with the way i am.I'm not looking forward to this christmas as i never feel like mixing with others lately and most of my friends seemed to have distanced themselves from me,I 40 next year and my family want to throw a party for me but i have to tell them i dont want a party as i dont want any fuss.To be reminded i am 40 and have acheived nothing in forty years will finish me off.I am waiting to see a councilor but feel like my time is running out.I felt great last couple of weeks and now i feel like crap,I wish it would stop and i could be the person i was but i feel that i will never be that person again.Slowly i am being eaten up by this illness and running out of ways to cope,gettin very tired and worn down by it all,wish i could have a lucky break or something good happen to me but for some reason most of my life has been full of bad luck and poor decissions,I have felt that i have always helped others and put them first before myself but still continously get no luck in life.

[vwone]

Hi, I am the same age as you turned 40 this year and also did not want a party why is everyone so insistant on celebrating it that is what I thought. I hope you get to speak to a counseller soon as I found that helpful I am sure have acheived something in the 40 years you just need to start believing that. Hope you feel better soon

[lampy]

Hi Niz,  I feel similar to yourself as in not wanting to mix with people and not having any fuss made. I turned 40 a few months ago and I also did not want a party or anything. I am currently off of work as I had been very busy with work and had burned myself out and now I am suffering for it. I am in the same position as you as in not getting that much help from my doctors but I know that this is really because my doctors surgery is particularly bad and not supportive as some people i know get great help from other surgery's. Please go back to you docs and ask for a referral to see someone about some other form of therapy. Unfortunately some doctors just seem to think you need tablets but this is not the case. I had CBT and it was working great for me but my sessions ended early because the gut moved away but it really helped me be positive about things and made it a little easier to cope. My wife gets at me sometimes because she is stressed out with her job but I do take it personally and i shouldn't. Depression is not only bad for us but it is bad for partners too, especially if they have never experienced it. I found that in the early days because I could carry on working then everyone thought that I was absolutely fine but that was not the case, you get good at hiding things most of the time. Please try and go back to the doctors and see how you go my friend!!
Take Care


Lampy.

[niz]

Hi,thanks to you both for your replies,the pounding fuzzy head has now died down and i seem to be getting back on an even keel,it just seems like when i think i am getting better i slip back to an even worse state.I just hope i can keep going with work but maybe i am not realising things may get worse,I hope not.I am struggling to get up in the mornings for work this seems to be getting harder each day.I have told all the relevant people that i dont want a fuss on my 40th and i think people understand.No doubt I will be back here sometime soon falling apart,I just hope the counciling people call me soon so i can give it a try and move forward.Once again thanks to you both for your supportive words and advice. _)_

[lampy]

Your welcome Niz and you have to understand that you are not alone thanks to this great forum!! We're here if you wanna chat!!

Lampy

[Catbrian]

Niz.... The things you write about are classic depressive symptoms.  I also hide myself away.  Hope you're feeling a little better