Wow, yes indeed.. sounds very similar and we both got this horrible illness at the same time. I am from the UK, Buckinghamshire to be precise but the waiting list for CBT is actually ridiculous. I go back to uni in January as the first semester was placement,which I completed. I am sooo scared which is why I would like to get CBT or something asap because I just cant see myself making friends/ learning with the constant ruminating thoughts and worries going on inside my head. What makes it much harder is I am studying to be a health professional- Occupational Therapist, and if I can't motivate myself how can I motivate other people blah blah.. its tough!
I actually finished taking citalopram after 2 months because I couldn't bear how it made me feel.. like a zombie! My sleep pattern was messed up, and it was when I was on citalopram that I actively wanted to end my life. So since then I have braved it alone, and nope I haven't got any better hence why I feel the need for something like CBT.
Honestly, I feel so 'dumb' and slow since getting depression, writing or reading even a page is such hard work and I find myself having to read it over again. I've lost SO much confidence, lack self esteem etc. I'm also on breaking point with my boyfriend, heck I'm surprised it's lasted this long but losing him would tear me apart!! You'd think having my dissertation would be a distraction that I could focus on, I only wish that was the case
I would really like to hear your story, hearing anyone's story reminds me that I am not alone 'in my head' and that it is an illness. But hearing such similarity in your posts comforts me (obviously wouldn't wish it upon you, but you know what I mean)
xxxx
