How much can a person really take...
I've said before that I was going to look into shared housing, I've been putting it off because I just thought things would get better but I have totally been kidding myself. The people who know everything that is going on have told me I need to leave and look out for myself.
I go by all the silly rules. My boyfriend and I have been told by my mum that we HAVE to buy our own food when hes down and cook for ourselves. We have been for a while now. But Friday night my mum asked me why I had food shopping so I responded by telling her its because you told us to buy our own food... She denied it...I kept saying that she did and my stepdad as per stayed silent.. she turned around and said in the most horrible patronising way "Yes, I told you to do that" it made me feel so angry and messed in the head! She made out like i wasnt telling the truth. Then my stepdad finally piped up and said ''You shouldnt make them do that its silly..'' and of course, she didnt like that one bit. I left and went upstairs because I could feel myself wanting to cry with anger. I could hear her saying things like ''You just sit here and drink yourself to death'' when he sticks up for me she says horrible things to him and has hit him in the past. They then argued, so i went downstairs to say sorry because obviously i didnt want that to happen. He started shouting at me saying ''so what if she cant remember, you and her need to sort this out!'' all of a sudden he was on her side, this happens alot. He then punched the wall. My boyfriend was sat on the stairs listening to everything and said to me that I need to get out of here and that he is glad thats hes seen it for himself how thet treat me.
Im the person thats there for them to take out their issues on. Im there to be controlled and bullied. Im there for them to make their own messed up relationship better.
Recently I've been getting the feeling where I just want to walk....and keep on walking. I dont want to look back. I just want to walk.
