I'm sorry that I haven't been on the site for a number of months and now I've come back just to have a rant but I need to vent my anger and frustration somewhere...
I feel really let down by people that I thought were my closest friends and thinking about it is keeping me awake.
I came off my anti-depressants last September after feeling better for three months and I was doing just fine until February when one of my friends had such a go at me for not having contacted her in a month that I went back to feeling so down about myself that I wanted to end my misery. For 4 months after I barely slept in my own bed because I was scared of being alone with my own thoughts, I withdrew from everyone close to me and I had numerous dark thoughts on a daily basis. Needless to say, I'm now back on the anti-depressants! Since then, everytime I go out with my group of friends at least one of them feels that they have to have 'a chat' with me about my 'behaviour'. Is there really anything wrong with being a private person? Do I really have to tell each and every one of them everything I do?? Is it not ok for me to feel like I don't need to live in people's pockets? I have my best friend, my boyfriend and my family that knows what is going on in my life. Do I need to broadcast my life to every one of my friends?
To make things worse, just recently I have made friends again with a girl that was thrown out of the group for causing an arguement during a girly weekend away. The girls didn't want her there in the first place but invited her anyway. They then made her feel like an outcast for the whole weekend which ended in 'a drunken chat' from one of the girls who told her that nobody wanted her there. Things blew up and before we knew it everyone was arguing between each other. I am failing to see how the 'ruined weekend' was her fault. Anyway, she heard that I was going through a rough patch and got in touch to see if I was ok (which is more than what they did). This has obviously caused some of my friends to feel uncomfortable but rather than them talking to me when they are sober, they feel the need to have a go at me when they are absolutely out of their faces. As I don't drink anymore, I have been able to keep my cool but I'm starting to get so angry about it that one day I know I'm going to snap. What this girl was supposed to have done is unforgivable in their eyes but I feel that what they have put me through recently is far worse. They left me on a night out the other week just because I had the nerve to stand an speak to my best friend who happened to be in the same pub. It is almost like they are trying to dictate who I can and can't be friends with.
Am I over-reacting because of my depression or am I warranted to feel angry?
Sorry about the rant!
Solo x
