Hiya BFG, welcome to the forum, i admire you mate, i have also realised i have been burying my problems and although iv sought help with the depression and what i thought was causing the depression at the time, in reality i still smoke weed and drink alcohol coz its the only way i can control my moods when no one helps you. Well done you for realising you need to deal with the problem rather than disguise it, i honestly think you do need to open up to the councilor, i was also put on fluoxetine and got worse i was then changed to sertraline and was also worse, im now on diazepam for the anxiety (caused by the antidepressants) and waiting for an appointment with the councilor, for years iv always thought it was everyone else causing problems in my life but now i know its me and my mood swings are out of control.
I have decided the only way forward is to be completely honest once i get to speak to the councilor and tell her i selfmedicate because that allows me to function, a bit, since reading alot into mental illnesses and watching a programme on tv about kids with stuff going on aswell i have realised that if we were all listened to without being judged and helped to find right diagnoses and medications then probably half the people who end up in jail could be helped in some way and some of us who turn to drugs too! The good thing is it was 17 years ago when you last tried to get help and im hoping things will have advanced so they can help you realise whats wrong, iv been making notes ready for when i go to see councilor, about my emotions and how i mess my life up again and again, keep an eye on how the antidepressants go and be honest if they still dont work for you, if you feel more anxious they might be able to help you with that too, keep posting :)