I feel so alone a lot of the time and yet I find myself isolating myself from people because I don't want them to know how I am feeling if that makes any sense. I am 46 years old and have been struggling with depression for at least the last year (probably longer) but only sort help very recently and I am now on medication and just starting counselling. My mum has recently moved to a new house and keeps asking me to visit her......she is inviting me by text because I have been avoiding answering the phone to her and I keep making excuses by text as to why I can't visit at the moment. I just don't want her to know how desperately low I am.....we have never had a great relationship and I don't want her to know much of a failure I am and what a mess I have made of everything. My mum left home when I was 12 after she tried to commit suicide twice, and I didn't see her until I was 25 and I always want her to think that I got along fine without her and that I made a success of my life without her. 20 years on I don't want her to see me not coping with life but by cutting myself off from my mum I have also been avoiding my younger brother, who I have always had a close relationship with, so he doesn't find out about my depression and tell my mum....not very rational but that is how it is. I don't have a partner or many close friends so I really am being my own worst enemy isolating myself from my family but I just can't help myself........
