Out of it

[misunderstood-x]

just feel so rubbish all the time. i have been on medication for 4 years (im 21 now) and have stopped taking it because its not working, i feel no diff on or off the medication, i use to feel okay when i was on them but for the past month, nothing.
i have a few health problems which can trigger the depression (e.g if my health gets worse or if a test result comes back as something wrong etc) i cant talk to my GP or my family. i dont meet up or talk in person to anyone like friends etc, i talk to them online like i am now. i also dont do phone calls to friends. texting and net is okay but nothing else. i dont know why i just dont feel comfortable with any other of contact at the moment (i use to love it)

i have noone to talk to, no friends, family, professionals. the last time i went to my GP they broke confidentiality and called my parents saying i was at risk blablabla, so now im always on edge of who i talk to.

not really sure what im doing on here to be honest, just thought maybe i could relate to someone n we can have a chat? i dunno... ignore me
just feel like a zombie at the moment, have no feelings, dont care about anything, just... empty

so... this is my first post... sorry its so long

[misunderstood-x]

oh and before anyone asks no my GP doesnt know im not taking the meds anymore, i cant tell them how i really feel so for my last medication review i just smiled and said yep all is fine and they believed me so got away with it, every month i pick up my tablets so they dont know any diff. fed up of living a lie, but its better then the truth coming out.

[Sweetpea]

I really feel you need to be honest with your gp about not taking your meds.  If you feel uncomfortable with your gp is there another one at your ptactise who you could feel more comfortable with.

S x

[Ruth]

Hi.

Personally I agree with Shaz. Stopping the meds suddenly might make u feel worse even if they were not working. I've seen many different GPs and some r better than others. Maybe u could try talking to a different one. Easier said than done, but if they know the meds are not working they can switch you to another.   
Take care
Ruth xx

[misunderstood-x]

it would be hard to go to the GP but i think i could manage it on a good day but im no longer with mental health services and the first thing the GP will say is i have to go back to see the psychiatrist and i dont think im able to do that. the thought of going to the psychiatrist just makes me not want to go to the GP (which is frustrating as last time i had to go a few years ago they were all really nice - weird!)

[Sweetpea]

I know when my dr referred me to our Local Mental Health Team I was terrified, but they were great and helped me so much.

Hope you can get the courage to visit your gp.

S x

[Buttercup]

I had a panic attack when my GP referred me, but it was all fine  :)

[chelliiee]

Hi there, I would seriously recommend you to go to your GP or see another GP about your problems it will really help you.

I would also advise you to go back on your bads as this could be affecting you at the moment - I have also in the past done the same as you about a year ago came off my meds it lead me to having a break down it really did affect me.

Psychiatrists are good they are here to help and to listen to you don't be afraid.

In the mean time share your thoughts and feelings on here :) 

[misunderstood-x]

i just feel like if i tell the psych exactly how i feel she will put me in the nut house  "£$ 

its hard too as my family know im on the medication and we are all close but i havent told them iv stopped taking it, or that im feeling rubbish etc (im 21, and disabled, i live alone but cant leave the house alone so any appointments and they have to take me)

when i first got diagnosed it wrecked my family, i cant put them through that again. but i cant get help without them knowing, i feel so out of my depth, like im at a cross road and one wrong move and my whole family could suffer. which is why iv not said anything yet.

just having a really bad time of it at the moment, cant think straight or anything, as soon as i see my parents a big smile goes on and im all 'normal' so they dont know any different they think im fine, its easier to hide as i live alone. but it also makes the depression more controlling

ARGH sorry for the rant, ill shut up now x

[Sweetpea]

Rant away, you are free to get your feelings out here.

I am sure your family would rather know the truth, than have you suffering as you are at the moment.  Is there anyone in your family that you can speak to truthfully and privately without involving all of your family?

You are not alone in putting a happy face on, I know I have done this and still do, its hard work pretending things are ok.

Take care  &*(

S x

[Buttercup]

I really wouldn't worry about talking to the psychiatrist.

Agree with Shaz.

Xxx

[chelliiee]

Don't shut up its good to let it all out,

Don't worry they won't put you in a nut house everything will be fine they'll put you on the right medication and support you.

With your family I would take steps just start off by saying you don't feel like the medication is working you don't need to tell them everything staright away but start off with the medication, once you have done that you can move to the next step.

Trust me everything is going to be fine, we are all here to listen to you so rant away as much as you like :)

If you are worried about your families reactions could a friend take you to yor GP?u

[Ruth]

Would your GP be able to arrange a home visit if you explain the situation? I do not know your situation but I would guess that your family would rather you tell them than suffer. I have a similar problem with my mum. She knows I have depression but I try hard to pretend I'm ok, because she recovered from her own depression 2 years ago and I'm afraid I will set her off again. It is distressing to be the cause of someone else's worry, but if you were to give them a choice I bet they would want you to get better.