Losing someone you love is devastating, whether it's your sibling, parent, grandparent, friend or your partner etc.
When I was 14/15 I lost my twin sister and my Grandma in the space of a year, and it was almost impossible to deal with. There isn't much I can really say to advise you, because everybody grieves differently, but heres how I've been trying to feel better.
Firstly, give yourself time to grieve properly. It's took me over 2 years to begin to 'come round' from my bereavements. That may not be long, but like I said everybody grieves for a certain amount of time. Some people take years, some people take months or maybe even weeks, I guess it depends on the loss and what support you have etc. But it is important to get all of your feelings out in the open, these could be sad, angry, guilty feelings and many more. Cry if you need to cry, get angry if you need to get angry. Because if you don't let these feelings out, I believe that it could make you feel worse in the future. Holding things in is never a good thing because eventually it's all going to come out, and that could leave you feeling ten
times worse.
During this time, make sure you have some form of support, whether it's a family member, a friend, or even just a counsellor to talk to, because I know that bereavement can make you feel the lowest of low, maybe to the point where you don't want to be without them anymore and want to end your own life to join the deceased person. Just make sure you are around people you trust, they can help you a lot whether its just a shoulder to cry on or to talk about things. Just make sure that if you do begin to have suicidal feelings, make sure you TALK TO SOMEONE because especially if its a bereavement in your family, how do you think your family would feel if they lost someone else? Or if your friend lost another friend? Suicide is a bad place to be in, so just make sure you have support and look for help if you feel this way, you’re GP can help too.
When you feel like you have grieved for a long time, or long enough, and feel like all you need is some help on feeling better about your loss, I would recommend doing the following things.
Accept that some days, you will feel overwhelmed and distressed about your loved one, accept that it is good to cry or get upset etc but hopefully when you get to the point where the bereavement isn’t a daily thing, you will notice that these days will begin to decrease.
It may sound childish, but why not think of making a ‘Memory box’? This could be a small box, or a big box, whatever size you wish, and just fill it with things that remind you of your sibling, parent etc. This could be CDS they used to listen to, maybe items of clothing, perfumes or their particular smell, cuddly toys, photographs of the person... the list goes on! This way, whenever you are feeling down, you can go through this box, and hopefully, even if its just a little bit, it will remind you of the good times you had with that person, or help you remember good memories etc. If you like, decorate the box too, it will be a really nice constructive thing to do, and it will hopefully help you get back in touch with your creative side!
Another way I’ve found that helps is writing a diary. This can not just help you with your grief, but everyday things too. Get a diary, and try dedicating that diary to the person you have lost. For example, my twin sister was called Louise, so I made like a ‘title page’ just putting ‘In loving memory of Louise Mitchell, 1992-2007’ and everytime I write in my diary, the first thing I write is ‘Dear Louise’ so its like I’m writing to her. I tell her about my day, or what is annoying me or upsetting me, or even just to tell her I’m thinking of her, or if something reminded me of her etc.
Believe it or not, I felt like I had some form of connection to Louise when I first wrote to her in this way, and I still do, it’s like almost she was there listening to what I had to say. But I guess it depends on what you believe in.
Another way I recommend, is take pictures of things that remind you of your loved one. This could be absolutely anything, a lot like the memory box. Get other people involved if you wish, and when you have taken all the photos, make a collage of the photos, and maybe put it up somewhere in your house, and hopefully, like the memory box, it will be a nice way of remembering them.
I could go on and on with ways to help with your bereavement as there are actually so many ways of helping! The way I got this help was seeing a bereavement counsellor (free) and she’s helped me in so many ways, and has helped me to see Louise’s death and my Grandma’s death much more positively, which I didn’t think would ever be possible. I’ve done this by simply remembering the good times and memories I have of them, instead of concentrating on the bad ones. There are still days when I get very upset, but that’s natural. You are always going to miss them, and always love them, unfortunately the pain doesn’t completely go away, it just eases with time.
Remember that there are people around the world suffering with grief around the world, you are never alone. So remember, grieve for as long as you want, and make sure you get all your feelings out. Make sure you have support or somebody to trust, and then begin to take small steps in remembering your loved one, and I’m sure this will begin to help in the long term.
Your loved one may be gone, but really, they are never really gone, because they will always be in your heart, no matter what. You’ll always have your memories of the person, and this is something you will have forever, and this is what gets you through. Remember that the person is at peace now, and I’m sure whoever you lost, would not want you to be unhappy, so do what you need to do, and I promise that the pain eases with time, it doesn’t go away unfortunately but it does become more bearable.
One last thing you might want to take into consideration is this website:
www.gonetoosoon.orgIt is a memorial website, where you can set up a ‘profile’ in memory of your loved one. There are millions of memorials, even including famous people, and there are so many people that can help you get you through, because they are all going through the same thing. There you can leave tributes and candles for your loved one, and it’s completely free to set up.
Thats about all I wanted to say, and I really hope that reading this has helped in any way.
I wish you the best for the future, and hope you take care.
If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here, just send me a message and I’ll get back to you when I can :)
Lots of love to you all
xxxxxxx
