Hi Everyone,
I'm new to this site, but unfortunately not new to depression. I have suffered with it on/off since I was about 15.
About two years ago I made the biggest decision of my life - at the age of 54 I got divorced after being married for 30 years. It had taken me virtually all of that time to realize that the man I fell in love with and devoted myself to, was a bully, liar and a cheat. I moved to a totally new town, to be near my elderly parents. The town is 'sold' by estate agents to people as "a quiet, friendly, little town". I have found out it is none of these things.
On the first visit to my new doctor, I explained about my divorce and move, saying I was finding it hard to cope. His words to me were "Why? No one has died". After a year, my father's health deteriorated and spent his time in/out of hospital. He was admitted again this March and one night fell on the ward, cracked his head open, was put to bed and basically left to die. My mother and I just kept being told he was "sleepy", until I 'cornered' one of the nurses and asked her if he was dying. Finally I got told the truth and he died about three days later. When I collected his belongings, I found out the fall had not even been reported, so I asked for a post mortem to ascertain the truth. I saw my doctor again whilst trying to deal with my father's death and funeral arrangements, as well as looking after my mother and even though 'someone had died', I didn't get any better response from him.
On top of this, my sister, who is 14 years younger than me, had her cancer come back after 4 years of being clear. She was told that it was terminal.
In April, after my father's death, I had to have my beloved cat aged 17 years put to sleep. She was my only companion after I left my husband and I still miss her terribly and feel guilty about her death.
In May my family and I had to go to the solicitors to sort out father's Will and I fell in the street, breaking my left ankle and right shoulder. I stayed with my mother for three months whilst my arm healed and was told any help I wanted, I would have to pay for.
When I moved here, I tried my best to be friendly with my older neighbours, but the woman next door just expected me to join her list of people to fetch/carry for her. She has been verbally abusive to me and both sides think they can tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing or otherwise, I get ignored.
This month I have found out that my sister, who lives a 2 hour journey away, has less than a year to live. I keep being told by people that I 'have to be strong' and someone even said I was "a tough old bird". I see a counsellor once a month at my doctor's surgery, but I just talk and when she has tried to get me specialist help, has found out that there is nothing available here.
There is a saying about experience makes us stronger, but I don't feel that way. I'm dreading next year and keep asking myself - how much more can I deal with and on my own? Would be grateful for feedback, especially from others who have had one crisis after another.
