hi all

[lozzylou]

Hi I'm a bit new to all this sharing stuff so bear with me slightly :)
I first suffered with depression when my dad passed away when I was 12. That was sorted with councelling and my teenage years were good. I had my first son 4years ago and since then been riddled with stress, anxiety and depression. But nothing compared to the place I am now. Things seem completely horrible right now! I'm always miserable, stroppy, can't be bothered and I'm now experiencing headaches, shakes and and constant tiredness that just will not shift! I'm currently on prozac but not too much relief is felt to be honest!
My husband always seems quite irritated with the whole thing and my mum just keeps telling me to stop expecting too much of myself, neither help!  The past few years have been stressful to say the least my husband was out of work 2 of them, my daughter had a op when she was a few months old and my son was in intensive care for 2 weeks and had a life saving operation last year! Now all is well but I'm in such a dark place!!
Sorry for the essay and rant!

[Zaf]

Hi lozzylou and welcome

Have you seen your GP recently?

Z xx

[Glen53]

Welcome to the forum.

Im not surprised you feel low, it sounds like you have been through quite a bit of bad luck and stress. Depression is very difficult to understand if you have never felt it yourself, so its a common thing for loved ones and family not to understand what you are going through. Its important to keep talking to them if you can, but sometimes it can be tough for us to explain why we feel so low when we dont fully understand ourselves.

If you dont feel the medication is working too well and you have been on it for more than a few months it might be an idea to have another word with your GP. Anti-depressants can cause some of the things you are decribing and if you are not getting any benefit then there would be little point in continuing on the same meds.

Have you tried counciling at all? Sometimes this can help lift the tension a little and give you that little bit more strength you need to fight through the darker days. It can also help to have that support there from a proffesional if things really get bad and you need support quickly.

I hope you find this forum as helpful as I have. Everyone here is struggling with depression for various reasons and you will find that between us we can relate to a lot of what you are going through. I have found it invaluable and the members here to be kind and supportive.  :)

[lozzylou]

Yes today, he said to me had I heard the expression 'burntout' so that doesn't sound too promising! had a blood test to rule out anything physical that may be causing the headaches etc etc and have an appointment next wed to plan the next course of action. Have called in sick for the next week on docs advise because I drive for my job so he doesn't want me driving and dizzy just incase. But they seemed less than impressed which has made me feel bad lol x
Thanks glen, I've done one session of counselling, but sat there and cried about my boys birth experience the whole time so never went back. Maybe I should...

[Zaf]

I can relate to the term burnout, I'm convinced at least two of my episodes were because of that

[Sweetpea]

Hello and welcome,

We all understand and are here for you.

Take care

S x

[lozzylou]

What is burnout supposed to mean? X

[Sweetpea]

The way I understand it is that you are just taking on too much either physically or mentally and your body says its had enough and its your bodies way of telling you to slow down and give yourself time to heal.

I agree with Zaf, I think both of my last 2 episodes of depression came when I was just doing too much and never saying no to anyone.  I now try and rest most afternoons if I can.

This is how I see it, hope it helps.  :).

S x

[lozzylou]

Ok well that would probably make sense then. My husband is working as a lorry driver now and its just me at home in the week, plus work and kids and all that goes with it. Well that's the first breakthrough I've had in a while! I can see it now, I don't give myself much of a break. Hopefully this week off work will give me some much needed food for thought!
The thing I keep asking myself is u see all these other people working, looking after kids etc and they get on fine. Why can't I do it without getting like this!

[Sweetpea]

I often think the same, I look at people and think how do they manage?  But maybe alot of them are not coping, I am sure alot of people did not realise you were finding things hard.  I know people I know had no idea how bad I was, I got very good at covering things up, which is a strain in itself.  Lots of people with depression take on others problems and are always there for others and not taking time for ourselves.  Its so important to take 'ME time', it has taken me a long time to realise this.

You are not alone in feeling the way you do.  I would say most of us on this forum all feel the same.

S x

[lozzylou]

I'm not trying to be all 'poor me' but that's exactly it! I've spent so long keeping other people afloat I forgot to do it to myself, especially when my husband was off work, I kept it all together and worried so he could concentrate on his back injury and physio etc. Tomorrow the kids r at nursery as I'd usually be working so I'm going to have a me day! The kids will be happy and safe and I can just chill! Weird lol
Its comforting knowing I'm not alone but at the same time is sad that so many people feel the same! X

[Sweetpea]

Good for you, I know its not nice knowing others are ill, but it does help to know you are not alone in feeling like you do.

S x  :).

[Ezel]

Welcome Lozzylou, it's okay to rant and when you need to here then go for it as we will understand.  It's better to get it out in the open than keeping it all inside.  I know I have a bad habit of internalising how I feel and it's always healthy to do that.

[Zaf]

Your words are so familiar lozzylou, I (and I'm sure several others here) could have easily written exactly the same xx