New to forum ...

[MooMoo]

Hiya!  I'm new to the forum and I've recently been diagnosed with borderline severe depression and am on citalopram 40mg. Ive mad a bad time for the past 3 years and it's all come to ahead these past few months and I've just given up.

It all started 3 years ago when I messed up my shoulder badly by dislocating it and that causing subsequent perm nerve damage. As a result I'm in constant agony and on a strong mixture of pain killers that only just take the edge off the pain. I've had test after test as well as surgery which still hasn't fixed it which started to get me down as I can't do the things I used to be able to do now with fear of it dislocating again which it does alot!
I then lost my job after my op and was unemployed for 3 months, when I got really down on myself. I finally got a job and I was happy then in October last year I had the worst asthma attack I've ever had and nearly died it was that severe. I was in a bad way but was only kept in overnight (long story) and then ended up back there as I had another attack the following week!! Since then I've not been well and been unable to walk let alone anything else so as a result I've lost my job and there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel on when or if I'll ever be able to work again.

This has all led me to be very depressed and down on myself. Ive lost all my confidence, my independence and just generally don't feel good about anything. I cry all the time cos I can't seem to do anything about the house, etc and end up spending so much time in bed as I feel dreadful with my breathing and get exhausted really quickly.

I can't really talk to anyone about how I'm feeling, however I have told my asthma nurse that I'm having horrible thoughts and just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I've promised her I won't do anything and if I feel like that again I'm to either ring her or someone else. I just want to feel like myself again and to stop feeling like this and be normal again.

I've had a really bad day emotionally and now I can't sleep with everything whirling round in my head

[Zaf]

Hi MooMoo and welcome

No wonder you're depressed having gone through all that, you'll find everyone here will understand and listen xx

[MooMoo]

Thanks Zaf

[Sweetpea]

Hello and welcome MooMoo.

You have had an awful time of it.  Everyone here understands and will help where they can.

S x

[Ezel]

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[Desperado99]

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[Glen53]

Firstly Moomoo,  &*( a much needed hug for you.

Life really seems to have ganged up on you lately and Im not surprised you feel so low.

I think you are being a bit hard on yourself (as we all do) about not getting things done. When you feel this way all tasks even the small ones, can be a real struggle to tackle. Even getting motivation to start them is hard. Try to split your day into smaller chunks and see if that can help. Set a small task for the morning - something that does not HAVE to be done and see if you can get it done by the afternoon. If you find that tough then bump it to the afternoon and try again then. Get plenty of rest but try not to overthink things (not easy I know)

If you start to struggle then come online and talk to us. We are always here to try and help if we can. We have all suffered with various types of depression and there will likely be somebody here that can talk to you and make you feel less alone and isolated.

If you look at this anything like I do then the pain aspect is likely making a big impact on all this. I suffer from a chronic illness that has required me to take morphine on and off for 12 years now. Im facing surgery soon to try to get things under control. Its a completely different situation to you I know, but I found my depression would revolve around my physical health a lot and I only really made progress when I learned to separate the two. I now accept the pain as best I can and try to tackle the depression by coming here to talk over my feelings when Im low. I also talk to a councillor which I would advise if you dont already - it can really help.

Once more,  &*( for you, and take care.

[Rycing]

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[MooMoo]

Massive thanks to all of you for welcoming me :) to the forum.

I'm having a bad day again, everything seems to keep going wrong ... my fella has been on the phone on my behalf all day with the bank trying to sort out the mess.  Fingers crossed it gets fixed soon otherwise we are in real trouble money wise :-(

With my medication and the steroid drop again today just arent helping me depression. I found my thoughts wondering down that dark path earlier when we found out that theres been a cock up at the bank with my mortgage protection ... I was sat in the bathroom crying my eyes out trying not to think about ending it all and making it all just go away. I manage to push those thoughts to the back of my mind but they are still there just on the edge and I can't tell my fella cos it causes him to get upset. 

Just had enough now .... I want to be normal again.

Glen53 - thanks for the message. I try doing bits each day when I can but as I'm constantly short of breath its difficult to actually complete things.  The most I seem to be able to do is to fill the dishwasher or load some washing in the machine or dryer.  I can't stay bent over very long and I get dizzy really easily so I have to be careful - I've ended up on the kitchen floor before now knocked out as I went dizzy and hit my head on the way down! DOAH. 
I feel really down on myself I know but I can't seem to shake it, been like that forever - no confidence in myself.  I'll keep trying though to get better and doing little bits about the house when I can.

Fingers crossed I wont be on these steroids much longer so that will be one less medication to take and hopefully will take away some side effects as well.

Sorry for the essay ... its just been a horrid day and I've been struggling to keep it together.

Thanks for listening to me go on
Jilly xx

[Zaf]

Jilly, this is the pace to let it all out if you need to, no one will judge as we knw how bad things can get ourselves.

Trying to deal with people like the bank can be a total nightmare, I hope ypu get it sorted soon so thats one less thing to worry you

&*(

[Got]

Appart from the psychical pain, I can relate to much of that.

Steve X

[Sweetpea]

We are all here to listen and help when we can.   &*(.

I have said to my husband so many times that 'I want to be normal'.  So I understand how you feel.

Hope you get the bank problems sorted.

S x

[MooMoo]

Appart from the psychical pain, I can relate to much of that.

Steve X

Hi Steve,

Thanks for the response, its nice to know that people know how I'm feeling are on here. 

The physical side of my depression is awful tbh, and its only getting worse not better  "£".  Cant wait for my next appointment with the neurologist in March so they can hopefully adjust my pain meds and I may be able to get some rest and a decent nights sleep ... not sure I can actually say when I last had a full nights sleep.

Still not getting any help from the Citalopram but was told it could take up to 3 weeks for the increased dose to make any difference.  Would be nice to stop crying all the time real soon and stop feeling so down.

Hope your doing OK Steve.

xx

[Glen53]

It took quite a while for my Citalopram to work, but it did the opposite for me.

March is a long way off for your appt. Could you ring the nuero secretary and let them know you are struggling? It might be worth a try as they may be able to bring that apt forward for you.

I hope tomorrow is kinder to you.