newbee looking for help & advice

[1st class fool]

hello to everyone!
please excuse my poor grammar & spelling,and any mistakes i may make with things i shouldnt say so do or post in the wrong place but i am a total noob to these forums.

just wanted to introduce myself,I am a 1st class fool! />.

so here is a little but long winded intro into my story......
it all started with a alcoholic father & a broken family then cigarettes & cannabis & alcohol then progressed to clubbing drugs xtc,speed,lsd,coke,that was when i was 15 i am now almost 34.

my clubbing days lasted for 10 or so years every weekend in which time i met a wonderful girl now my ex we were together for 15 years it was a very volitile relationship and i am ashamed to admit i was violent towards her and my family and am currently 1 month away from my 18 month suspended sentance/probation to end for harassment and fear of violence.

i stopped taking most clubbing drugs around 10 years ago but continued to use cannabis very heavily 24/7 365 and coke on numerous occasions up until new years day 2012.i have always had suicidal thoughts and many attempts to do so.i have barely left my bed room in the last 15 years other than to score or go out with my ex because she was stuck in with me & i was ruining her life.

obviously i knew i had problems but thought i knew best and didnt seek any help & buried my head in the sand.
then one night while working a night shift my ex ended our relationship & after a load of harrasing/threatening txt msgs i rushed straight out of work to goto her house,she had phoned the police and i was arrested and ended up in court which explains my supended sentance/probation and have spent the past 17 months in turmoil.

something had to change so eventually i contacted a local drug alcohol service and am currently waiting for my counselling appointment.
about 3 months ago i had to goto my gp for help for my cannabis addiction/anxiety/panic attacks and was prescribed with fluoxetine 40 mg per day and diazepam 4 x 5 mg per day to deal with my withdrawals from cannabis because i just couldnt carry on and wanted to quit for good.

so...the diaz has been working wonders for my cannabis problem and i now havnt smoked in a few weeks but i have been using a legal herbal alternative once a day and am gradually feeling i dont need it but thats because of the diaz i think??anyway after a poor christmas and an attempt of suicide yesterday i went back to my gp and i am still being prescribed 4 x 5 mg diaz daily & i asked if i could change from the fluoxetine to something else because i flet it wasnt helping with my mood and my gp precribed me me with sertraline 50 mg x 1 for 3 days then 100mg per day thereafter and i go back to the gp in 12 days to see if the sertraline is helping.

i have just taken my first 50 mg sertraline & my 5mg diaz & am worried what the effects are goin to be like.
i am 100% commited to getting straight and its seems an eternity for my counselling appointment to come through,but i feel i am just replacing one drug with another.

im sorry for this being such a long rant but i just need to talk to and mabey listen or offer advice to or from people who may be in a similar situation to me.

i dont know what else to say atm,and if you have taken the time to read this i thank you in advance and any responses would be greatly appreciated  *(*

over & out.the one and only 1st class fool........  "£$

[Ezel]

 .>, and thank you for having the courage to post.  It takes an inner strength to admit how you feel and for what you have done in the past.  It wont be an easy journey but you are going in the right direction so keep that goal in focus.

[1st class fool]

thank you for your kind words to such a scum bag,especially from a female when ive been violent towards one in the past.thank you so much!  />.
the road is long and uphill but im determind to become a "normal" person.

muchas gracias x

[Zaf]

Hi

Its brave of you to post all that and I'm impressed you have taken a big grip of your problems and decided to sort things out.

I can understand your thoughts of replacing one drug with another, do you think you'd feel the same if you were diabetic and needed insulin?  Depression, whatever the cause, is a chemical imbalance in your brain so taking antidepressants is only getting the levels up to their correct level rather than introducing harmful chemicals into your body thst it doesnt need.

Everyone here is very helpful anf friendly so I hope ypu fond this forum as useful as I do :)

[Sweetpea]

Hi,  I have only been a member of this forum for a few days, but already I have found alot of support.  Everyone here has suffered in some way from depression, so it helps to be able to get your feelings out, and have help and support from people that understand.

I also don't like taking meds but as Zaf said we woud not hesitate if we were diabetic and needed insulin.  It is an illness and the medication along with counselling etc will help us overcome this.  The first step is admitting this and getting help.  You have done this, so well done.

So  .>, from another newbie

Sharon x

[1st class fool]

thanks sharon,thats my mums name by the way!
thank you zaf!

i see & understand both of your points but i just want to be free of any kind of drugs and try to live a "normal" life its been 15-20 years since i was clean or not depressed and its taking its toll now and ive got to see this through & WILL.

a lot of it is to do with the hurt and pain ive caused people along the way & its a shame some of them are no longer around now & i cant fix the pain i have caused them,i have a conscience and its been eating me up for years,i just want my counselling to hurry up ive been on the list for months but there are a lot of people in front of me in the queue so i just have to wait for my turn...

thank you again for your responses they are much appreciated & i wish you all the very best of luck with your situations and hope you all get better asap aswell.
much love & respect to you all.

im going to take my 2 dogs for a walk now  ^&*  ^&* i need some fresh air.once again thank you so much  />.

al x

[Zaf]

There always seems a long wait for counselling on the NHS, can you afford to pay a little for it?  I'm sure someone here said MIND provides counselling at about £15 a session

[Sweetpea]

Just contacted MIND yesterday to arrange counselling as its a years wait to get it on the NHS!  Just google MIND and look for your local centre. I emailed them and a lovely lady rang me the same day.  The cost is £35 per session, but if you are on benefit its £15.  She told me it would be about 3/4 weeks before there was a vacancy.  Which I didn't think was too bad.

Sharon x  :)

[Ezel]

I've got dogs as well and they keep  me going

[Lol]

Welcome to the forum 1st class fool. that was a good first post that must have taken a lot of courage, it's often the most difficult part. You are dealing with some very difficult feelings and emotions and I hope you find this forum helpful.

Take Care
Lol

[1st class fool]

hey guys thanks so so much for your kind words i feel like im not as alone as i thought i was  />.

my counselling is free with a company called Cais drug and alcohol service they are based in colwyn bay n.wales,as a matter of fact ive had a letter off them today saying how sorry they are its taking so long and to ring them to confirm i still want to attend. />.
i will be calling them first thing tomorrow morning to confirm that it cant happen quick enough!so hopefully im getting closer to the top of the list 

i really respect all of you for taking the time to talk about this honest to god i really do so much x

like i said ive been there & done it all drug wise (not heroin or crack) and feel i have a lot of good advice to give if any one has a cannabis problem so feel free to msg me if you want to chat about anything weed/drug related.and i will be activly looking through these forums as much as i can to see if theres anyone i can possibly help out a little bit,even just a chat like this helps a lot,as ive found out today thanks to you guys n gals x

i will be giving you all positve karma for your responses but i can only do 1 per hour???

once again thanks so so much for making time to talk to me you have no idea how much you have helped me feel better today  ^&^

yeah my 2 jack russels ken  ^&* & dj  ^&* had a great walk before and it was good to get out for a bit.

i wish you all the best of luck with your issues and its great to know people want to help/offer advice.
tea time now!om nom nom nom.
nuff love and RESPECT to you all peace out for today!

al x

[Ezel]

i will be giving you all positve karma for your responses but i can only do 1 per hour???

I think I've managed to change that  !"!  />.

[1st class fool]

you sure have,i just gave you a few....hit me back! />.