New to here...& could do with some advice

[Lola29]

Hi everyone. I've never posted in a forum before so am a bit nervous about what to say. But I think I need some advice so thought I would tell you my story...here goes......
Unlike a lot of people on here, I think my depression has come of my own making so possibly deserve little sympathy.....

Just over a year ago I fell in love....which would have been a lovely story....except I am married with kids & so is he. I genuinely wasn't looking for anyone, was happy (or so I thought!) with life but life presented me with someone who I connected with on so many levels & we became great friends at work.

I would like to say I'm the biggest advocate of marriage & have always heavily criticised anyone who ever cheated on anyone....which is kind of ironic as for some strange reason, I started to pursue him which is soo unlike me. We both had so many reasons why we shouldn't have started anything but we felt so strongly about each other that we did.

We saw each other for 8 months, spoke most days & I can honestly say he became my best friend who I told things to that I have never told anyone else.

Well you can probably guess what is coming.....after a family holiday he came back & said he couldn't risk what he had any longer & wanted us to stop seeing each other. It came as a bit of a shock (he had even contacted me whilst on holiday) but had to accept the decision. I tried to end all contact on a few occasions but it always ended up with him in a real state, crying so I agreed to try & remain friends (much against my better judgement.)

This being friends involves not seeing each other, him contacting me when he likes (only now during work hours), me trying to be cheerful & upbeat & not indicating how hurt I am. All of this has greatly affected my self esteem & I am angry at myself that I have allowed this to happen. He has made me feel worthless & I have allowed myself to get this level.

I can honestly say I really love this man, desperately want him to be happy (happier then me it seems!) & completely understand his decision & why he has made it. He has made totally the right decision & I don't want anyone important in his family/mine to get hurt/feel pain through this situation. 

After 5 months of trying to be friends it has taken it's toll & I have ended up in what I can only describe as a depressive state: I cry during the day, I don't want to get up in the morning, I have a permanent state of not being interested in anything, struggling to eat anything, am finding it hard to sleep & various other things that I won't bore you with! I can't seem to find anything to look forward to & walk around feeling like there is a huge black hole in my life. I have suffered from depression before but always managed to pull myself out but this time, I just don't think I can.

I know all the sensible things to do: work on my marriage (which I am trying to do), get out & see people, start some exercise, improve my diet etc. but it is such a struggle I can tell you.

I did pluck up the courage to go to my GP & she perscribed Sertraline - I'm sitting here looking at the box wondering whether to take them - I'm not a massive fan of medication but do feel like it's probably worth anything to try & lift my mood. I could so with some opinions on whether to start them.

Sorry I've babbled on for long enough but anyone's opinions would be welcome (however harsh they may be!)

Thanks for listening    :)

[Desperado99]

Hi Lola

welcome to the forum

Well done on going to see your GP, that's a big step. I've recently started on medication for anxiety (couple of weeks in) and I was unsure whether to take them or not...... I did, and although I'm not sure whether they've kicked in or not I'm glad I've taken them as I do feel I'm doing something about it.

Hope that makes sense  :)

[Sweetpea]

Hi Lola,

I agree with Desperado, I only started my meds yesterday, and I know they will take a while to work as I have been there before.  But they did work and combined this counselling I got better.  I have been in contact with MIND this morning to arrange counselling.  They are very good and if you have a local MIND centre near you may be its worth giving it a go.  They also run anxiety groups etc.  Just type MIND into your search engine and look for a centre near you.

Hope this helps

Sharon x x

[Zaf]

Hi Lola

I'd say give the meds a try, and counselling if you get offered any, both can help a huge amount when depression strikes.

You'll find everyone here very helpful and understanding so if you need to open up do feel free :)

Z xx

[Desperado99]

Completely forgot about counselling!  did the GP mention that as an option? mine's on the NHS (GP referral) and came through really quickly (first appt is on friday) I know I'm lucky in that aspect.

Good to know about MIND..... I hadn't even thought about that.

[lost rolex]

Hi Lola29 wow what a story, i bet this has taken a lot out of you it's so physically and mentally demanding especially when you drift into something like that, glad you have talked, it's getting off you chest that's the hard part, the first steps always are, just remember you are fragile at the moment and hurting, please don't make any arrangements that might make you hurt even more, rest and peace for the time being.


LR 

[Lol]

Hi Lola29 and welcome.

You have really gone through torture. Affairs of the heart are at best euphoric and at worst soul destroying. And it sounds like you may have been party to both! There isn't any wonder that you have ended up in a depressive state. You did the right thing in going to the Dr and she sounds to have heard and understood how you are feeling, it doesn't matter how you got there. Now you're here.

I feel you should take the medication. It has been prescribed to correct a diagnosed illness. However this happened you desserve to receive affective treatment so that you can pick yourself up and make the best choices you can for your future. You have a future, and you have a present. You will be ok.

Take Care.
Lol