Never having children

[hybridtoy]

I have suffered so much mental agony over such a long period of time and worked so hard academically with no career reward that I just never ever want to have children. When i was younger i thought yeah maybe one day, but then i got older and saw how dark and hopeless the world really is and how much suffering i have had to put up with that ive realised i could never do that to another human being. Finding peace and happiness is a real struggle and I dont want to bring a human into the world just watching it fight a futile battle. Does anyone else feel the same or am i just twisted?

[Zaf]

I never wanted children but for different reasons, we are lucky these days to have a choice.

[Lol]

I think if you were fortunate enough to be able to bring a child into the world if you wanted one, you would not just watch him/her fight a futile battle, you would teach and guide him/her to navigate through life without futility, and support them if they ever felt it was.

[hybridtoy]

Yeah.. now i see why parents care so much

[Glen53]

I must confess I feel exactly the same as you. However, it may now seem that my other half is considering the possibility and i dont want to deny her the chance. Since a miscarrige earlier in the year things have been different. It will be a year in Feb so things may be tough around that time.

 

[Glen53]

I never looked at it as Lol has posted though. I may remember this way of thinking for the future...

[Stew]

I completely empathise with this opinion. Had issues with depression for 10 years now and seen just how much struggle the everyday can be, for such little reward. Plus, it runs in my family, so I wouldn't want to risk passing it on.
On top of that, I've recently completed a clinical degree in health sciences and seen all the mad &$%+ that can go on with child development. It's just not worth the risk. And it's not like we (the population) are desperate for more citizens.

Oh and I totally empathise with your point about working hard academically with little pay-off. The NHS job market is looking pretty screwed right now.

[Got]

Does this mean people think I should not have children one day? I could pass on bad a genetic mental illness to them. And also, suffering from depression, I could mess up the children.

I do really want children one day. Perhaps I am too unstable for kids. Probably wont happen any way as I will push away any prospective wife.

Im not whining here....just trying to be realistic.

[Stew]

I think you've got to ask yourself; do you really want children? And why? I'm not saying you shouldn't. I just worry that some people decide to have kids as they feel it will sort out their existing problems, give them a new focus or raison d'être. Which it might, but that's quite a risk

[Got]

I want kids because I want to be a father and pass on the things I have learned. It is a natural insitinct for me.

Reminds me of the Philip Larkin poem:

They f*** you up, your mum and dad,
They may not mean to, but they do,
They fill you with the faults they had,
And add some extra, just for you.

[hybridtoy]

Sorry Stevie, I wasn't posting this as advice it was just a release for me to say and I wanted to see if it was an insane thing to say or not. Of course have children if you want to. If you think you can bring them happiness and show them how nice the world is to live in with love and support then do it by all means :)

I think with my case is i dont open up to my family or friends when things are really tough and i still dont so i sunk into depression alone. Also i grew up with many skewed views on society that never changed and therefore they still remain demons in my head that affect me in ways they shouldnt but i cannot help. If you can teach your children all the positives that they should embrace and direct towards a happy and successful life then that is fantastic! Be close to them and let them know that they can talk to you whenever they need to about anything.

[xwardx]

I had to reply here because this is a topic very close to my heart, I have been suffering with depression and anxiety problems for as long as I can remember but only 'diagnosed' late 2008 and been taking ADs ever since. In June 2009 just after my 21st birthday & marriage I found out I was pregnant, I was extremely sceptical as worried about how I would cope with my depression and pregnancy/baby. My darling daughter is now nearly 2 years old and I can not emphasise enough how she has totally changed my life, I don't want my little girl growing up knowing Mummy has depression so I work hard getting better for her. Most of the time I am genuinely happy because she lights up my life when she smiles, laughs, says new words specially 'luf ooh', cuddles me, hugs me just everything. Yes we do have difficult days but I find I am generally depressed when I am not with her! You are right in saying this is a pretty bad world to bring a child into these days but i'm doing what LOL said and trying to make the best of everything that comes our way. To summarise I totally understand where you are coming from as I had the exact same thoughts on having children until she came into my life, keep your options open.

[James78]

I don't think anyone is obligated to have children, and there is too much pressure (a lot of times from yourself) to "pass on" your genes and carry on your family name, which in the larger scheme of things is actually rather nonsensical. If you believe in evolution etc. then not only are we related to each other on a very fundamental level, but also connected to every other living thing on the planet. "Life" will carry on just fine without your particular arrangement of genes/DNA. Also sometimes, the decisions people make to NOT have children are a lot better than the decisions people make TO have them.

Reproduction is not about your family tree, it's about survival of the species (which is really not under threat!). It's just as valid to play a "supporting" role in that as a reproductive one. There are plenty of examples of this in nature. Not everyone will, or has to reproduce.The last thing I would want to do now is have children, and if the issue of children did arise, I would rather adopt and help a child that is already here.

[Ezel]

I've just been reading this thread and I have been through the 'having a child, not wanting children to not having children'.

I was coerced aka bullied and lied into surrendering and for a long time I didn't want children because I was scared to be put through the same again.  I didn't want to have child to be treated by my mum the same way I had been treated by her.  My reasoning was more complex than that obviously but that's the basic reasoning.  After I married I changed my mind because I was a stronger person but eventually we found out we couldn't due to infertility.

Now I have mixed feelings about it as I know I could have been a good mother but I wouldn't have wanted my family influencing my child.  Obviously my feelings are personal to me.