Just wanted to say hi.
Have been low since 2001 when a multitude of things happened in my life and my mind went into overload. I find day to day living so very hard. I decided to join this as no-one understands the constant dread i feel. From being a confident, fun-loving person ive become a wreck. Drinking doesnt help in the slightess..in fact it makes things 100% worse. I have a complete blackout from about 11.00 on NYE and on NYD it was so very hard for me not to get suicide out of my head.....i was completely beside myself thinking id embarrassed myself and my family, but i pulled through those thoughts thinking it was only my own parnoia, people had much more to focus on than me making an idiot of myself. I have no family apart from 2 sons 21 & 16 who have no idea about my depression. My ex is supportive but i cant call on him every day...he has a life to lead. Anyway today i pulled myself out of bed, Made myself clean the house. Went to the shops and thought, I am gonna get through this. I am gonna somewhere find some enjoyment in something, try some volunteering, find a soulmate, Im gonna get well again. Im going to put all my effort into these areas as if i dont i am fightened i wont be here to see 2011.
I have been off work for two months now though plan to return in a week, a task in itself...but one step at a time. Love and support to fellow sufferes. xxx
