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If You're Walking a Road That's Still Really Hard
September 9, 2024
by Lysa TerKeurst, President and Chief Visionary Officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)

Recently, a sweet gal sent me a message on Instagram. She wanted me to know more about her story.  She thought she’d been obedient to God for the past decade after an immense heartbreak, but she was questioning that now because her life was still really hard. She wanted to know if I would be so positive and confident in trusting the Lord if I hadn’t met the man who is now my husband, Chaz.  Such a fair and understandable question.  Trusting God without seeing the redemption we thought we’d get to see by now can feel like the deepest betrayal of all. It’s also what builds our faith, but sometimes we’d rather have relief than another learning opportunity.  I sat with her question for a while. I don’t hang out in my DMs often and rarely get to respond as much as I would like to. But since I read this message, I knew I needed to respond. And I didn’t want my answer to gloss over her deep pain with a few cliché sentences and a Bible verse. She deserved more than that. And so do you, as you may find yourself navigating something similar.  This is what I wrote back:

I’ve spent many nights staring up into the sky, bewildered as I felt my disappointment turn from grief to numbness to distance from God. There were so many times when I thought God was about to turn everything around, but then things got worse. Some of my darkest days were when I couldn’t understand what God was allowing. And my fear was: Because God allowed all of this, what else might He allow?

Slowly, I’ve realized I cannot attach my hope to God making things feel fair. And I certainly can’t attach my hope to my desired outcomes. I have to attach my hope to who God is. He’s good and faithful, a Father who loves me.

God’s character, which never changes, is His promise to me and you. We can stand with assurance on who He is even when we don’t understand what He does or doesn’t do. There are still hurtful things happening surrounding my divorce too. I wish this wasn’t the case for either of us.

I’m grateful God has brought into my life a man who loves Jesus, and I'm grateful for all the joy that comes along with being in a healthy relationship. But even this gift comes with fears and uncertainties. So my challenge now is not to tie my hope of a better future to this new man. It’s the same lesson I was learning during the many years of feeling so very alone. I now have different challenges, but I'm still learning to trust God just like when my friends found new love while I was intensely lonely. It’s so hard.

I understand, and I so wish I could look into your future and whisper back to you all the wonderful things ahead of you. While I can’t do that, I can promise God is at work. Hang on, beautiful friend.

I wanted to make more concrete promises to her about what God is working on. I would have loved to give her a time frame to help ease her angst. I would love to make that possible for all of us. But I guess through my journey, I’ve come to terms with the truth that if it were good for us to have such specific information about our future, God would surely give it to us. So the fact that He isn’t allowing us access to those details lets me know having that information isn't best.  I don’t always want to leave room for this mystery of God. I’m not usually eager to claim verses like Hebrews 11:1 as my favorite: “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

I want faith to operate within my eyesight. I am desperate for visible evidence so that faith doesn’t feel so risky. But faith doesn’t work that way.  Faith will always make us anxious and unsure — unless we are confident in the goodness of God. If we stand firm on His goodness and know everything He allows is somehow flowing from that goodness, then we will have a lot less fear in trusting Him. Faith in God means being assured of His goodness even when what He allows doesn’t feel good, seem good or look good right now.  Today, I hope you feel a little less alone as you walk through your hard situations. Like the sweet friend who sent me a message, we all have what-if questions. But I’ve found the best way to fight through our toughest questions is to create space for more of God’s perspective.

inmyhead turned another year older at midnight!   

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Gray Areas of Motherhood: What To Do When There’s No Clear Right Answer
September 2, 2024
by Laura Wifler

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” James 1:5 (ESV)

We encounter a lot of decisions in motherhood that don’t seem to have a clear right or wrong answer. Those “gray areas” or everyday motherhood decisions not explicitly addressed in Scripture can easily trip us up, making us feel paralyzed and anxious.

Things like:
Should I enroll my child in this sport?
Where should I send my kid to school?
When do I give my child a phone?
Should I let them watch that show, listen to this music, or hang out with that friend?

Thankfully, God’s Word still gives us guidance and advice so we can employ biblical wisdom in these gray areas. Following biblical wisdom means applying what we know about God and His Word to the situation we have in front of us, and it’s a skill that we can learn with His help. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”

Asking God for wisdom is our first step when faced with a gray-area decision. In addition, here are three helpful questions for seeking wisdom in unclear situations:

1. Is the cost to me and my family worth it?

Though the idea of cost automatically makes us think of money, this is not the only way to quantify cost. Activities, lifestyles and material items can also cost us time and attention. We should thoughtfully count the cost of our choices in the context of prayer and God's Word, also consulting our spouse if we’re married and our Christian community (where appropriate). Then if we do move forward and say “yes,” we can do so with our eyes wide open to the challenges and risks, ready to try to mitigate them with God’s leadership and help (Luke 14:28).

2. Does this align with my family’s mission?

Every family has a unique and God-given mission. Before we spend time or money on something, we can each stop to consider how it fits into our mission as a woman, a wife and/or a mom as well as the mission of our family unit. Sometimes we see others doing things that look interesting or amazing, and we adopt those goals for ourselves, only to realize later that those things don’t fit the calling God has given us (Ephesians 4:1).

3. How permanent is this decision?

Some decisions are easy to change, some come with a higher level of commitment, and others can be nearly permanent. We don’t need to live in fear of making a big decision. But if possible, we can assess the permanency of the decision and align that with the amount of time, care, consideration and attention we give it as we move forward.

As we learn to negotiate the gray areas of life using gospel-inspired wisdom, we can walk in freedom, able to live for God’s glory without fear, guilt or shame.