Depression Forums

General => I need to vent! => Topic started by: lostmyway on November 02, 2018, 07:09:26 PM

Title: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on November 02, 2018, 07:09:26 PM
THERE IS NO POINT TO ANYTHING ANYMORE.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on November 02, 2018, 09:17:14 PM
I understand... let it all out here on the forum - things can and do get better, promise.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on November 02, 2018, 09:43:43 PM
Someone got a job after doing a degree and i am still struggling like mad to find something. I am just sick of it.  There's no end to it all... everyday is the same. I am 47 and feel like I have done nothing significant with my life; I cannot turn the clock back.  So like I said, I feel nothing has a point anymore, I just exist and nothing else.  The only person that gives a damn is my mother and she's in her 80, and annoying as hell.  I get no respite from it all, it just goes on and on...
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on November 03, 2018, 12:28:58 PM
I know that right now it doesn't feel like it will end and understand the daily struggle you are going through, but you are getting through each day despite how hard it is.

Is there anything totally new to you that you can just test the water of for a while like I did with the child psychology bit?  Totally free to do and it'll give you a taster of something that you might enjoy but couldn't afford any other way!  What are your interests?  What have you enjoyed most in your life so far?  Is there something that you've always wanted to try but never got around to trying for whatever reason?  It doesn't have to be studying, it could be knitting or painting or creative writing or starting a blog or learning html... something just for you?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on November 04, 2018, 11:31:12 AM
There are online courses (MOOCS) to do, but I have done a lot of courses in my lifetime.   If I am occupied with a course, it does give a welcome distraction to whatever else is going on, they do have their uses.  Ultimately I'd exchange any course for a job, because it's the only thing that keeps me sane.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on November 05, 2018, 08:28:01 AM
Totally agree with you about the courses... I've done loads this year just to keep my brain ticking over!  Maybe you could search for MOOCS and start working through all the ones that sound interesting?  That way you can put it on your CV that you've been studying whilst looking for a job which has helped you to grow as a person.  Open Learn courses give you statements of participation and some of them offer badges that you can add to your CV too.

I know it's hard to live when you haven't got much to focus on, but by doing online courses and learning things that you can show online (html, blogs, websites etc) then you are showing potential future employers that you've used your time away from work wisely   :hug:
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Pip on November 07, 2018, 10:18:51 PM
Life is hard when you're stuck in a rut and suffer with depression  :hug:
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on November 19, 2018, 07:16:10 PM
The only grad jobs i have ever seen is for people with a BA/BSc etc and I don't have one of those.  My life truly IS in a massive rut and I can't get out of it.  I go to an employability place not far from me (it is about 15 miles away) and I spent 3-4 hours looking at indeed trying to find something to apply for.  I went back home in the lowest of moods - I don't see any end to this situation and am fed up of those that don't seem to get it or care.  I can jobsearch from home, so honestly wth is the point me going to this place in the first place.  I am 47 and nothing has really been achieved in my life - nobody cares or understands, so I wonder is there a point in my being on this paltry, boring planet?   God knows if I know the answer to that question; maybe somebody else does?

Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on November 20, 2018, 09:34:24 AM
I thought BA and BSc were the only two graduate courses you could do??  Which graduate qualification have you got please 'cos I is getting very confuzzled... what are your qualifications and what sort of jobs are you looking to do please Lost?  Maybe PM me your CV and I'll do my best to help you online?  Maybe consider applying for a few non-graduate jobs as you don't have a BA or BSc?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on November 20, 2018, 10:33:39 AM
I have a DipHE, which is like foundation degree level.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on November 20, 2018, 10:52:21 AM
Ah right, okey dokes, so you haven't graduated yet then?  What is your DipHE in and what sort of the area of the UK are you in so that I can help you to look for jobs if you want me to?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on November 20, 2018, 10:57:49 AM
Also, which University did you get your diploma from?  Can they give you any advice on getting a job?   :hug:
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on November 20, 2018, 11:02:42 AM
Yeah I graduated in October.  It's from the Open University.  I am in the northwest of England (Cheshire).
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on November 20, 2018, 11:25:16 AM
Okey dokes, what sort of diploma is it - what did you study at the OU and how far are you willing to travel from Cheshire?  Did your tutor help you with ideas of places you could look for jobs?  How about a temping job just while you're looking for something permanent?  That's how I got my permanent job before I became disabled!   :hug:
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on November 20, 2018, 11:27:48 AM
I just need commercial experience.  It was in computing and IT, so a STEM subject.  It's been a very tough nut to crack.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on November 20, 2018, 11:32:02 AM
What did you enjoy most on your course, what did you learn, what sort of thing are you applying for - programming or support/helpdesk or building computers or something else so that I can look for jobs for you   :happy0158:  Maybe contact the student helpdesk via your student desktop on the OU site too?  See if they've got any other ideas too?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on November 20, 2018, 11:43:34 AM
I have a book from the Open Uni that may help and their alumni site too.  I am not sure what to do and how to approach it all.  It was mostly networking with some programming.  Support and helpdesk are a possibility.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on November 20, 2018, 11:49:32 AM
How many points did you study to get your DipHE?  For an Honours degree you need 360 points (240 without Honours) which takes at least 4 years full time or 6 years part time study.  Definitely contact the alumni bods for advice... they should definitely be able to help you with places to look for jobs and be able to come up with ways for you to get experience too!
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 03, 2019, 09:39:11 PM
ADDENDUM:

I don't think I have felt as so low and desperate as I do right now.  Everyone has a threshold, it has gone beyond the threshold.  I honestly do not know when this is EVER going to end... there doesnt seem any point to anything anymore, I know this is nothing new but it really is beyond a joke.  Oneday it will all be over, and looks like that is getting a better idea every day that goes by, because I see NO way out.

Everyone else gets on with their lives, while mine stands still as always.  Sick to death of it
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 04, 2019, 10:35:42 AM
BTDT and don't know what to say to help, other than it *can*, *will* and *does* get better eventually.  Don't plan anything major for a while, just stay in bed and cry if you want to.  I did.

Maybe have a word with your GP about how you're feeling?  Ask for a referral to a counsellor or psychologist or something like that?

I know that right now you can't see an end to it but there are better times ahead and you'll be a better you when you come out of the other side.

Right now everything feels heavy and black.  I also understand that.  I've been there.  Just concentrate on you for now, do whatever it is to help you to feel even slightly better.

Put your favourite music or radio station or TV programme on and just try and escape into it for a while.  Right now you need to concentrate on feeling better so feel free to tell anyone who requests anything to get lost until you come out of the other side of how you are feeling.

:hug: if you want it?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 04, 2019, 11:47:04 AM
I have done the psych/counsellor route, it didn't come to anything.  Frankly, I could find out more useful information just googling coping with depression.  My last 2 GPs said i was pessimistic and to 'go for a walk', that says it all.   My problem is I am completely cut off from people; someone suggested going to a charity that did woodwork, another fixing bikes.. NOT what I am interested in to be honest. The real problem is the length of time this situation has gone on for and no member of the medical profession can change that one iota.  Another is the age conundrum, it has dawned on me bigtime that it feels like too little, too late - I know that could be classed as irrational, but that is how I FEEL.

I don't know what to do anymore, everything is so much effort right now... but I'm sure I am not the only one.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 04, 2019, 01:41:25 PM
I have done the psych/counsellor route, it didn't come to anything.  Frankly, I could find out more useful information just googling coping with depression.  My last 2 GPs said i was pessimistic and to 'go for a walk', that says it all.   My problem is I am completely cut off from people; someone suggested going to a charity that did woodwork, another fixing bikes.. NOT what I am interested in to be honest. The real problem is the length of time this situation has gone on for and no member of the medical profession can change that one iota.  Another is the age conundrum, it has dawned on me bigtime that it feels like too little, too late - I know that could be classed as irrational, but that is how I FEEL.

I don't know what to do anymore, everything is so much effort right now... but I'm sure I am not the only one.

What I'm about to suggest would have felt like the impossible when I was as low as you are, but how about going for a walk with a dog every morning?  It doesn't need to be far (unless you want to of course) - I only do 100 metres a day with our dog, but even that short distance wakes my endorphins up then I come home and slowly, throughout the course of the day, drink a litre of coconut milk.  Just knowing that I've made a difference to that dog by giving them the exercise they need gets me out of the house for a few short minutes which seems to motivate me to try something else (put the pop bottles in the recycling or empty the living room bin or whatever).

If you don't want to walk a dog, that's totally cool and groovy, but a slow walk around the block as soon as you wake up every morning will kick your endorphins into gear.  The coconut milk slightly lifts my mood too, which is why I'm suggesting that.

One of my friends is a qualified counsellor who just needs some supervised experience before she can practise on her own... would you mind if I passed your details on to her?  Feel free to say no if you would prefer of course   :happy0158:
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 05, 2019, 10:30:06 AM
Basically you're saying 'go for a walk' like my GP did.  BTW I don't have a dog.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 05, 2019, 10:49:12 AM
I'm just talking from experience.  This is the first time I've been off AD's since I was 19 (I'm 41 now) and just walking that hundred metres every morning has stopped me being suicidal so far.  It's the last thing you want to do right now and I understand that 'cos I felt the same way when I first started regularly walking our pup... it was the last thing I wanted to do, but that 10 or 15 minute walk every morning blows the cobwebs away and sets me up for the day.

Have you had your vitamin levels checked recently?  Especially your D and B12?  Mine were tested last year and I was low in both so I've been taking four supplements ever since and they've helped me too.

How about coconut milk?  You have to drink a litre of it before you start feeling a slight improvement in your mood but I swear by that and ginger for nausea now!

You can do this, Lost, I ain't going anywhere and I know that right now you're angry with me for suggesting exercise and that it's the last thing you want to do right now, but I know from experience what has helped me and I'm just suggesting those things for you too.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 05, 2019, 11:06:07 AM
I'm not angry I am just not doing well right now.  AD's are hell to get off, I tried getting off Escitalopram and it didn't end well.  The vitamin D and B12 thing I am not sure about to be honest, it's a possibility.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 05, 2019, 11:30:19 AM
I was forced off the Citalopram because of the new recipe having an allergen in it so I finished off the box and didn't take any more.  There have been tough days since coming off it 'cos my body had been taking it since 2003 (I was on Amitriptyline before that) so it was kinda expecting to have the next dose, but when it didn't come my body got into a bit of a flap.  The combination of 4 supplements and walking our pup every morning has kept me stable ever since though.

There are still occasional days when my motivation hits a low but I just down a litre of coconut milk and spray the intense B12 into my mouth and I'm good to go again within minutes.

I've been where you are now, Lost, and I know and understand how frustrating it is when all you hear is to go for a walk, especially from a fellow sufferer, but when you get into a routine and you have someone depending on that routine every day, if you can find the motivation for the first couple of weeks and you take yourself out to get a pint of milk or the morning paper or visit your library or whatever, you will start to notice an slight increase in your mood.

My body depends on the daily walks with the pup and the supplements every day instead of the Citalopram now and I just have to look into our pup's eyes when the motivation starts to throw a strop and I know that I have to do it for her.  She's relying on me for her exercise every morning, in all weathers, and she can't open the front door to take herself, so I know that she's relying on me and I promise myself a bar of chocolate or whatever when we get back which I rarely need now 'cos I'm more motivated than she is some days! lol

Do yourself a favour and get your vitamin levels checked by your GP then come home and order a B12 spray from Amazon.  When your motivation/feelings are low, squirt a couple of sprays under your tongue and it'll start working it's magic almost immediately.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 05, 2019, 12:38:07 PM
The B12 spray idea isn't a bad one, it might help a bit.  I don't want to be on ADs for the rest of my life, they work to an extent but the side-effects and withdrawal effects are appalling.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 05, 2019, 12:51:57 PM
You are so right about the AD's, Lost.  Get your vitamin B12 and D tested before you try the spray though otherwise the result will not be your normal levels and you need that to get started.  A lot of people's vitamin D is low during the darker months, so don't worry if yours is, you'll just be given a prescription for a months supply of vitamin D capsules and if your B12 is low, they'll give you 3 injections over about 10 days then either prescribe B12 pills, or, if they care about saving you and them money, they'll say to take B12 supplements and it's then that the spray will really help 'cos you can't OD on B12 but it can really lift your mood and motivation on those dark days.

You can get off AD's it's just better to do it slowly and with lots of support in place.  I just take my AP and 4 supplements now and walking the pup tops up my vitamin D when the sun is out.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 05, 2019, 01:12:46 PM
Yes, I don't know what the B12 and D vitamin levels are, that's true.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 05, 2019, 01:34:11 PM
I can only tell you what has happened to me, but after I'd got the vitamin results back and found that I was low in D and B12, within literally seconds of having the first injected dose of whatever it was I felt better than I ever had in my entire life!  I was wide awake, happy, motivated, had energy, motivation was oozing from every pore and life was suddenly in HD!  I was on top of the world and wanted to stay like that for the rest of my life!  To a lesser extent I get that with the B12 spray every time I use it... couldn't be without it now though!

I take a B12 supplement every morning as standard now and that keeps me on a pretty even keel for the entire day and most of the night.  I don't take vitamin D 'cos it's in the Multi that I take and it's toxic if you take too much of that or Vitamin A, but those 5 pills (the 4 supplements in the morning and the AP in the evening) keep my mood at feeling OK.  When I need more motivation or energy or my mood is starting to dip or whatever, out comes the B12 spray and I squirt 4 sprays of it under my tongue.  By the time I've put it back in my bag I'm fine again!  I've even been able to decrease the dose of the AP since I started rattling with all those pills!  It's still a high dose and I do still sometimes get paranoid (my sign of a psychotic episode starting soon) but it's not the maximum dose any more and when I get through the SAD this year (first time in 22 years without an AD), I'm hoping to ask my GP if I can reduce it even more!

Take things really slowly and make sure you've got enough support in place before you even start to think of coming off your AD, yeah?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 05, 2019, 01:50:55 PM
I won't be coming off the Escitalopram just yet.  I think all of this answers why I am not actively seeking jobs right now, it would make a whole lot of sense to me.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 05, 2019, 02:13:12 PM
You are so right, Lost!  How about volunteering for one day a week or something?  Do you have any mental health groups in your area that you could go to or anything like that?  Just something to maybe start to give you a bit of a routine?  Something to look forward to?  Maybe ask your GP or something like that?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 05, 2019, 02:25:27 PM
There was one that was a charity involving woodwork... another was doing up bicycles, not really my thing tbh
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 05, 2019, 02:44:14 PM
What sort of things do you enjoy?  Don't think about jobs or volunteering yet, just things that you enjoy doing.  Are you creative?  Sporty?  Techy?  Scientific?  Who do you enjoy communicating with - babies?  Children?  Teens?  Adults?  Elderly?  Animals?  Can you drive and if so, do you enjoy it?  What were you studying with the OU?  Did you enjoy that?  Is there anything you've always wanted to try, even if only once?  Bungee jumping?  Scuba diving?  Do you enjoy puzzles?  Reading?  Exploring?  Technology?  Look inside yourself for the answers - they should be what you genuinely enjoy or want to try even just once.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 05, 2019, 04:25:08 PM
Computing and IT was what I studied with the OU, so technology would be an interest.  I do drive, however the traffic thesedays lessens the enjoyment of it to some extent.  I do like walking in country parks, city parks and so on.  I do like sports but I wasn't that good at them as a kid, and computer games and so on.  Films as well, maybe photography? 
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 05, 2019, 04:45:13 PM
Do you know how to create webpages or make Windows/Apple apps?  Is that the sort of thing you were taught at the OU or something different?  How would you feel about volunteering your knowledge at your local library once a week, teaching people how to use computers or helping them to build their confidence if they already know the basics? 

How would you feel about volunteering to walk dogs for local people who can't walk their dogs every day?  I'm just thinking that you would get to enjoy the parks while also helping local residents to look after their dog without all the responsibility of owning one. 

What about finding somewhere that you can participate in sport without being overly competitive so that you can rediscover the joy of sport that you lost as a kid? 

What sort of computer games do you enjoy?  Are they online games or installed on your computer only?  Maybe think about setting up/joining a computer games club so that you can either play against or with others who like the games you do?

What sort of films do you enjoy?  Are they purely for enjoyment or would you feel able to review them after you've seen them?  Same with the photography... take yourself somewhere you've never been once a week and take loads of photo's then download them onto your machine and create a photobook that you can look back on at the end of the year.

Challenge yourself to try something totally new to you every three months - no negativity allowed, just an open mind that you'll give it your best for three months and take it from there.

Experimenting is your friend... you won't enjoy it all, but you'll never know if you don't at least give it a decent chance   ;)
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Pip on January 06, 2019, 08:09:46 PM
Sorry for back tracking to the GP's suggesting you go out for a walk but it isn't such a stupid suggestion.  The reason for this suggestion is probably by getting out and exercising can help along with meds - or going for a swim, well any form of exercise as it releases good endorphins.  I know I feel better for getting exercise such as walking and swim, we go to the gym as well.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 06, 2019, 10:27:02 PM
Yes true, but I already knew that.  It can help but you'd think they could come with something else for a change.  That's the symptoms. not the we underlying problems really causing it all.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 07, 2019, 09:50:27 AM
I've walked 652 steps so far today because I've just got back from walking our senior pup.

Before I went, I was feeling cream crackered, low, very little motivation, absolutely no energy at all, but I knew that exercising a dog is a part of responsible dog ownership (along with bagging and binning their poo, feeding and watering them, keeping them healthy etc etc) so I forced myself to get her harness and take her for a short walk.

400% later (about 20 minutes ish) and I'm feeling so much better.  I'm wide awake, my mood has improved, I've got more energy and motivation.  Yes, my legs are killing me right now and it's not safe for me to walk very far for the rest of the day (living room to the bathroom and back is the absolute maximum) but my morning stroll with the pup does wonders for me as well as helping me to lose weight and improve my physical disability/strength in my legs.

It took a couple of weeks to get into the habit of taking her out every morning, in all weathers, but just a 20 minute walk a day really does lift my mood.

It's just the starting that's the hardest part and you don't even need to break a sweat if you don't want to, but those 20 minutes and 100 metres is what I need to get me going every day.

When you very first start the walking it'll be really tough going, just 'cos you're not used to it yet.  If you can force yourself to walk even 5 metres outside your house every day then the endorphins will start to wake up and improve your mood.  It's easy and free if you can find the motivation to get started.  If you've got a friend or relative who can walk with you then that'll hopefully give you the daily motivation you need.  Maybe you could explore your local area?  I've lived here just over 20 years and still don't know all the streets leading off the road opposite me!

Have you got a park near you or anything like that?  Maybe take me on a trip there and take loads of photo's so that I can experience it at a distance too?

How about a petrol station or corner shop or whatever?  Challenge yourself to walk there and treat yourself to a packet of crisps or bar of chocolate or can of pop or bottle of fruit juice or whatever that you can enjoy on your way back home.

I'm not asking you to do something I haven't already done myself, that's why I said about starting at 5 metres 'cos that's what I did but I'm happy with 25 metres a day with our pup now and this morning we did 100 metres through my senior pup's choice.

Start really really slowly and reward yourself when you achieve it!

You can do this, Lost, and I'll be with you every step of the way, nagging you to keep on keeping on!   ;)
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 07, 2019, 12:15:40 PM
The weird thing is I can walk but for some reason have a mental block telling me (or discouraging me) not to.  Probably depression telling me not to, or something idk.  Also I don't have others telling me IRL to pull my finger out!  There is a local park in this town but I live on the other side of it, that may be okay for me to do that.  I could just walk the local roads near to where I live, which I have done sometimes.  I could join a gym; the last time I did though it only lasted 2-3 months or so and got rather bored of it.

PS the B12 spray arrived yesterday.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 07, 2019, 01:09:59 PM
That's why I'm suggesting just short walks initially... just get into a routine of getting out of the house and just walk for a few minutes then ever so slowly increase it.  You don't have to walk far, just get out of the house and get into the routine of just going for a stroll around your very local area - just around the block or whatever, then come home, curl up in bed and cry or punch a pillow or watch a film or listen to your favourite radio station or whatever.  Just get out of the house for a few minutes every day then come home and carry on doing whatever you feel up to doing. 

Make them small challenges and make them doable, but slightly challenging so that you can reward yourself when you achieve it.  I'm challenging myself to walk 400% with the pup three times this week... we've already done it once this week and it's only Monday, so we came home and had cake for breakfast as our reward.

Other than when I first came out of hospital, to re-build my leg muscles, I've never been to a gym in my life so you're one step ahead of me there!

I hope the B12 spray is as useful to you as it is to me!  Make an appointment with your GP to ask about getting your vitamin D and B12 levels checked before you use it though, so that it doesn't give the wrong result.  It's just a quick blood test then you can spray it as soon as the needle comes out of your arm if you want to but if you use it before the test then it might come back with a false normal and you prolly won't be able to convince your GP to test it again.

You're doing the right things, Lost, just keep on keeping on as best you can!
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 07, 2019, 01:41:40 PM
I also have an app that tells me how many steps I have done in a day called footsteps (pedometer).  I normally watch sitcoms on YouTube, or anything else of interest to distract myself, but I shouldn't do that for too long in a day as it's detrimental.

Not sure what else I can do;  I don't always sleep well and get up at a normal time - probably due to inactivity I guess. 
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 07, 2019, 03:02:21 PM
Do you have a favourite sitcom on YouTube?  Is it just individual episodes or whole series?  Maybe use them as your reward for walking around the block every day?  Sort of wake up, have breakfast, walk around the block then treat yourself to an episode of your favourite sitcom?  Chocolate was my treat while I got into the new routine and forced myself out of the door each morning so that I could have a multipack of chocolate all to myself.

Give it a go for 2 weeks just to force yourself into a new routine.  It doesn't need to be far to start with, you just need to get used to a new routine is all.

The exercise will help with your sleeping too... you will be using more energy than normal so you'll need more sleep and because you are increasing your activity levels your body will welcome the sleep.

You can do it Lost, just take it very slowly and don't push yourself too far too fast.  It's good to push yourself occasionally but your first step should be to re-educate your body to get into a new routine which'll take about 2 weeks of doing it every day.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 09, 2019, 09:00:47 PM
I am put myself forward for doing CBT, I am not sure whether it's good or not but it might be.  I went to a workzone not that far away from here and they said there was a gatehouse security job going about 10 miles away from where I live. To be honest I am not sure, but I said would go tomorrow to see what it's all about - my hopes aren't sky high or anything, I'll see what happens.

Today I have been LOW in mood and anxiety was terrible.  I went to the pub this afternoon for food/drink and totally lost my concentration as I was talking about my mother about my ass-like brother.  Then I smashed the steering wheel with my right hand in frustration upsetting my mother... it left me in a fragile state all afternoon, now I am having anxiety about going to this place tomorrow.  4 years of hard work and study to do this? a bit of a pathetic joke.

I am feeling the fear and doing it anyway, but god it's not fun.  When do I get respite from this cr*p?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 10, 2019, 11:26:21 AM
I'm so proud of you for putting yourself forward for the CBT and going for this job interview today, Lost.  I know it's not the job you want or have studied so hard for, but getting the job would mean you could put it on your CV and may open other doors for you too, to the job that you *do* want within the company!

I'm sorry you had such a bad day yesterday, but every day is the start of a fresh, new 24 hours and it can be so much better for you.  I hope you get the job, or at least a second interview... you can do this, Lost... give it your best shot and take it from there!
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 10, 2019, 12:38:20 PM
Lost - just seen this on Facebook and it screamed your name at me!

Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 10, 2019, 01:41:54 PM
I went to that interview this morning; I hope that it has gone okay.  As long as I have tried, that's what matters?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 10, 2019, 01:45:10 PM
as regards to the meme, it's true you have to do something about your problems if they are to go away be dealt with.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 10, 2019, 02:19:11 PM
I went to that interview this morning; I hope that it has gone okay.  As long as I have tried, that's what matters?

You should feel proud of yourself for going for the interview - I hope you get the job and succeed in your future career with them, no matter what job you get, it'll get you started on the ladder to your dreams.  Reward yourself with a mug of your favourite drink and a take-away for tea... you soooo deserve that!

as regards to the meme, it's true you have to do something about your problems if they are to go away be dealt with.

Too right, today is a clean page in the book of your life so you should feel proud of everything you've achieved today 'cos I certainly feel proud of you!
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 10, 2019, 09:31:33 PM
I have been trying so far this month, let's hope I can build on it.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 11, 2019, 10:59:53 AM
Keep at it Lost... you are doing so well!  I know there are days when you prolly don't want to get out of bed because of depression and that's totally OK, but tell yourself how much you've already achieved this year and you'll get there in the end!   :happy0158:
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 11, 2019, 01:18:56 PM
Just been the GP surgery, they changed the medication.  Took ages to get out of that place this morning.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 12, 2019, 05:11:01 PM
How do you feel about changing meds?  Have you got to slowly change or is it one day you take the original one then the next you take the new one?  I hope the new one helps more than the other lot - there will prolly be a flood of emotions as you change.  That's just your body getting used to the switchover. You can do this, Lost... just remember that you aren't alone and can come to the forum to let off steam whenever you need to!
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 12, 2019, 07:39:00 PM
I took one of the new ones today... nothing terribly adverse right now happening, cept a mild headache right now.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 12, 2019, 07:54:26 PM
That's awesome!  I hope they kick in for you soon, but it could take like 6 weeks before you notice any improvement, I hope they kick in sooner than that though.  Which ones are they and are they brand name or generic?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 12, 2019, 08:11:56 PM
It's called Sertradine. 
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 13, 2019, 09:53:41 AM
The way I was feeling isn't normal and I hope it changes soon, because I've had enough of it.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 13, 2019, 10:50:13 AM
I really hope it works for you and you start feeling better on it soon!   :hug: if you want it?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 13, 2019, 11:11:40 AM
So do I, I had been on Escitalopram for years, I'm guessing it had lost its efficacy tbh ... it was making me tired and very cranky and I used to obsess about silly things, which again... isn't normal behaviour.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 13, 2019, 11:21:36 AM
How are you feeling now?  It's too early to notice any positive effects, I realise that, but has the previous dose of Escitalopram started to loose it's effect yet?  Did your doc say how long you'd have to wait to find out if the new one is helping?  Is it a sort of days because you've gone straight from one to the other or is it still the standard 6 weeks?  Has s/he suggested any way to cope with any rough times during the switch?  I hope you get lots of positive effects from your new meds asap!
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 13, 2019, 11:29:52 AM
I still find the morning is the worst time - tiredness,  irritability etc.  It's still too early to say, but I didn't feel as tired yesterday and didnt need to goto bed before 11PM, which has been happening a lot.  No, she didn't suggest any coping mechanism while i was transitioning to the new drug.  I'm expecting side-effects while that is going on because that's what I expect from them, due to previous experience.  Would I recommend taking them? not if you can help it.  Stay off them and use holistic and other methods if you can make them work, would be my advice.  I am tired right now, as I am writing this...
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 13, 2019, 12:04:42 PM
Do you like the flavour of coconut?  Maybe give that a try if you do?  You have to eat/drink a lot of it before you notice a difference (as in a litre of coconut milk for a single point increase on the mood scale or a dessert spoon's worth of coconut oil in hot water) but it does lift your mood ever so slightly.  It needs to be the first/only ingredient in the product though, otherwise there isn't enough coconut in it to work.

Do you know how to meditate?  If you do, maybe try that as soon as you wake up, before you get out of bed too?  Just to try and ease the irritability before it starts kinda thing?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 13, 2019, 12:38:04 PM
I have tried coconut milk, it was a little thin but the flavour of coconut is fine.  I have tried soy millk also (Alpro).
I found this on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkbM5EfFyME
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 13, 2019, 02:34:36 PM
There's something within the coconut that very slightly helps with depression, just like ginger helps with nausea.  Totally agree with you about the coconut milk being too thin, but you get used to it after a while.  I haven't got a choice about using soya milk 'cos I'm allergic to animal (cow, sheep and goat) milk... tried 'em all with the same effect - me throwing up for several hours afterwards and feeling sick for a week so never again.  I find soya milk to be waaay too strong but the coconut milk isn't too bad after a while.

Thank you for that YouTube link... is it the sort of thing you can listen to overnight or is it best to be awake when you listen to it please?  It's just that it's over 5 hours long is all so it'd be better if I could listen to it at night so that I can be productive during the day is all.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 13, 2019, 04:57:54 PM
You could listen to that music anytime, I would say.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 13, 2019, 05:19:24 PM
Groove and cooly... I'll set it going now and will hopefully be finished by the time I head to bed tonight   :biggrin:
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 13, 2019, 05:24:03 PM
I would try smartphone and headphones, that's what I use.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 13, 2019, 05:53:38 PM
It's playing through my headphones on my laptop and the last half an hour of it has achieved what listening to the radio and reading half a magazine achieves each night!  Thank you so much for the link... it's soooo relaxing!
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 13, 2019, 06:32:01 PM
Good to hear  ;D
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 13, 2019, 06:38:35 PM
Thank you so so much for that link... it's loooooong but definitely worth it so far!
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 13, 2019, 07:05:30 PM
It's very long, but pretty effective.
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 14, 2019, 10:55:49 AM
Too right!  I slipped straight into being asleep last night, where it would usually take reading half of a magasine and listening to the radio... gonna put it on again now!  Thank you so so much, Lost!  Where did you find out about it btw please?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 14, 2019, 01:34:10 PM
Oh, there are plenty of them on YouTube.  Look under 'meditation music' or similar to that?
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 14, 2019, 01:42:09 PM
I like this one too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss7EJ-PW2Uk
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 14, 2019, 02:35:13 PM
Thank you so much.  Got about 45 minutes left of the original one you sent yesterday then I'll listen to the second one as soon as it's finished   :happy0158:
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 14, 2019, 03:24:03 PM
The first one has just finished, so I've just started the second one now   :happy0158:
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 16, 2019, 11:55:48 AM
Another one, it goes on for 7 hours:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDCA1xKTPBw
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 16, 2019, 08:12:44 PM
Thank you, Lost, I'll try and remember to listen to it while I write tomorrow   ^-^  You watch me forget though lol
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 17, 2019, 08:55:31 PM
Have fun with it
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Amanda_George on January 18, 2019, 06:25:44 PM
Guess who forgot!  lol
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: lostmyway on January 21, 2019, 11:26:56 AM
I can't think who it could possibly be  :D
Title: Re: Latest
Post by: Pip on January 21, 2019, 08:43:02 PM
I have listened to some of it and will go back to it.