Depression Forums
Depression Related Forums => Depression Central => Topic started by: Lol on August 29, 2011, 08:58:23 PM
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Hi. My name is Lol, you may have read my posts, I am both a depression sufferer (in the past although I'm heading back that way again now) and a sufferer of somone elses depression. I understand there are both people suffering depression and people suffering others depression in here and wondered if it wouuld be useful to start a thread on how the two perspectives interact to try to help us to be more understanding of the people we are affecting and who are affected, and therefore help or be helped by them? For instance; if a depressed person says "X" can any of us suffering depression interpret that into what they might actually be trying to convey? Likewise if a family member says "Y" can any of us confused about some one elses depression interpret that into what they are trying to convey?
So like for instance; I at the moment am a carer for some one else suffering depression. I have read on a few posts that a family member (that's me at the moment) has either 'gone silent' or ''stormed off' or 'looked disapproving' etc. and I can say from that perspective that it is probably due to lack of understanding, and education is therefore a good first step. I wouldn't want anyone suffering from depression taking that (confusing stance) the wrong way and it being a cause to go deeper into depression. It is a question of interpretation and I know that depression takes much of your capacity to interpret a situation correctly away.
Likewise, when I was suffering depression myself, I would get very angry that other people didn't appreciate that when I said I feel low and out of control for no particular reason, that is exactly what I meant. And it wasn't a question of just 'snapping out of it' and 'having a more positive mental attitude' I literally was completely incapable of doing just that, but I was aware of it, and that made it more excrutiating and lead to anger.
So... does anyone have any questions ... my XX said this ... that any of us could help with?
PLEASE DON'T GET ME WRONG; NO ONE IS GOING TO KNOW WHAT THE ACTUAL INTERPRETATION OF YOUR QUESTION IS - THIS MAY JUST GIVE A PERSPECTIVE BOURNE OF EXPERIENCE AND THAT IS ALL.
Is this a good or bad idea?
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Maybe no one thinks this is a good idea. But I'll ask a question that's been bothering me; For those of you that have transient depression and you start to come out of it, how is it that you know? what signs that you are on your way out do you notice in yourself? and do you feel too frightened to admit it at first?
Thanks. If this sucks just say so.
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For me its consistently having less bad days per week and the lows not being so deep
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That's helpful thanks. I've started to keep a journal so that I can identify the ups as well as the downs so I don't just fixate on the downs all the time.
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I do too and mark a :) or a :( in the margins beside entries, its useful to look back on occasion to see how things are going
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When your depression makes you say something to some one you love that you don't really mean. What are you thinking? Are you just venting in their general direction? are you wanting to hurt them? are you crying out for help? are you testing the person?
I did this realy stupid thing that I can't explain very well; I would say something not so nice to someone I love to punish myself. It was like I needed to humiliate myself. show myself up to punish myself. What the hell was that all about?
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I tend to do that in the weeks leading up to depression hitting me again, prolonged stress starts off my depression and in the weeks leading up to a crash I become very angry and lash out verbally uncontrollably, I think my husband and sometimes my mum are the ones that bear the brunt of it as I usually manage to control myself when in the company of colleagues and strangrs even though they might be triggering the anger which comes out later usually over something trivial
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Yeah that's it! but what are you thinking when you're doing it? Is it a form of vent or a cry for help or what?
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I think its a release of bottled up emotion and frustration
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Does depression make you a different person?
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Without a doubt, yes it does in my case
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Hi Lol - I've only just seen this thread. Depression does without a doubt makes me feel like a different person - I often feel like I'm two completely different people trapped in the same body. When I'm happy and well I am quite confident around my friends and family, I embrace the fact that I'm a little bit quirky and come out with silly stuff, I'm creative, I put others first and I am generally a little happy, bubbly person. When I am bad - completely the opposite! Although I still do always have the thinking of others at the forefront of my mind - I think that's probably what got me into this in the first place :-\ Bottom line is - I'd rather take it out on myself rather than those around me - and I do.
My doctor said to me once that the mind has a strange coping mechanism when it is so overwhelmed by an emotion. I was worried because I was feeling so much anger!! And I am not an outwardly angry person - he explained that when our minds are so anxious that they don't know how to cope, we start to release that anxiety through anger - which soon turns into guilt - which then quickly makes its way back to anxiety... ::) No wonder we are depressed!! xx
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thanks guys that's such a comfort i can't even begin to tell you
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"I often feel like I'm two completely different people trapped in the same body" - thats put it in a nutshell Munchroom, thats exactly how I feel about my illness. I very much relate to what your doctor said about anxiety turning to anger too, the first sign I get that my depression is coming back is angry outbursts over silly trivial things
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Glad it helped and made sense xx
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During a depressive episode do you ever believe that the person you 'turn into' is how you'll stay when it happens?
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When what happens?
Sometimes I wonder if I'll just be like this forever... I can't really remember what its like to have good day after good day after good day.... so I guess in a way, its already happened :-\
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I dont think I ever have, I do often wonder if I'll be completely free of depression and this last mini-breakdown has prompted me to making some life changes in the hope they will help prevent another episode - nothing very drastic, just not committing myself to do things I dont really want to and sometimes putting myself first rather that doing things for other people at the expense of my own health.
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I see. It's that my partner is convinced that she is unrecognisable even to herself but thinks that is who she is now. So she's basically given up all hope of happiness and normality because she has resigned herself to being this different person. It's like 'well that's it then'. But I can still see her, and if depression could let her let go of her demons I know she can return. I never really realised the extent of how different I had become until I came out of my depression, so I can't remember whether I felt it at the time. Just wondered if anyone had a perspective on this when you're 'in it' so to speak.
Thanks guys.
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I too feel like a completely different person, I can recognise the signs and know I am being difficult or argumentative but cannot stop myself, it just seems as if I just want to argue, tell me wife to find someone else and all sorts of thing like that, then she has ago at me and starts to point out my bad points then I go into my destruction phase as I call it where I convince myself that everyone is better off without me! Then I really hate myself for days, this for me is happening nearly every week and it is getting unbearable for me let alone my wife!
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My partner was depressed when I met him, he was on chlopromazine and Lofepramine
He has also recently lost his mum to cancer, I was helped him get well, he was abusing alcohol
and illegal drugs marijuana, and also amphetamines, and LSD. I dont take any drugs which are not prescribed
and never have done, But his "friends" thought all that rubbish would help him block out the bad stuff.
We moved to a new area and away from his "friends" and he stopped the drugs and alcohol almost overnight.
after 1yr he was much brighter and much more able to cope with situations.
But through this time I naively at 20yrs old thought I could cope with it all, as he was nearing
the end of his treatment I found out I was pregnant and he was over the moon. So I rode on his
train of thought and got excited too. It wasnt until fairly recently I realised mt moods back then relied on his moods. If he was happy
I was happy if he was low I walked on egg shells and tried to shoulder all the household pressures away from him.
In time we had our son and I went under with PND but rather than admit I wasnt coping I tried to hide it as I didnt want him getting ill again.
Now 15yrs down the line this has been the path our lifes have followed, I now barely leave the house and he does almost everything
I now have managed to admit to him what is wrong and why, and we are coping with it together.
I would always encourage anyone coping with a loved one with mental health problems to seek a friendly ear who you can speak freely to and wont judge you or your loved one.
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Thank you Karian, never a truer word spoken. I didn't have anyone I could talk to about this and I wish I had have found people sooner. I do now have some one who has become a very good friend and good listener and I have found this forum to be something of a life line. I wish I'd have found this sooner. It is so important to find a friendly outlet for listening and advice you are so right.
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Absolutely Lol
We all need to try and speak and rather than drag your loved one down with whats going on your head sharing with someone else does
help for all concerned. I think in all honesty over the past 10yrs mental health is not so much of a taboo subject which is great,
but friends are precious and having one to share your load is priceless. In the long run it will keep you well and not being dragged down with them xx
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during depression do you feel you are able to look at a situation from another persons perspective acurately?
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Very rarely lol, usually only as I am well on the way to recovery
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During depression do you want to hear that your other half loves you and still believes in you or are you irritated even by that?
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I think its very hard to hear that someone else believes in you when you don't have the strength to believe in yourself.
Possibly its better to demonstrate your love for someone who is in the depths of depression, rather than making grand statements that they feel they have to reply to. Just being there - curling up and watching a film together, buying them a little treat - little as in like.... a creme egg! Anything bigger could make them feel intimidated - what have I done to deserve this?! How can I repay for this?! Asking how they are feeling and taking the time to listen and not being judgemental or trying to 'fix' it. Support. :)
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Not irritated lol but I think how I'd describe it is overwhelmed
I'd agree totally with what Munchroom said
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it always feels like i'm being patronised when someone tries to build me up or tells me that i'm loved and valued. being patronised really anoys me and viewing a loved one's ernest display of affection and/or concern for my wellbeing in such a negative way REALLY anoys me. at times like that i have to clamp down hard on the impulse to lash out and be hurtful.
just had a brainfart writing that...the Big "D" has convinced me over the years that i'm a worthless person, convince me so completely that i's no longer an opinion it's now an article of faith for me, a belief held absent of supporting facts...i am a worthless person! when a loved one tries to get me to see the opposite, that i am valued and worthy, it's like an assualt on the very core of my world view, my deeply held beliefs about myself...following the laws of causality... action leads to opposite reaction...assault leads to defence and a reaffirming of the original belief, ie. i am a worthless person. loving gesture elicits negative response!
man that's twised!
sorry, that might have come accross as a bit disjointed but i had to explore it before i suffered a complete greymatter failure and lost the moment ;)
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"I often feel like I'm two completely different people trapped in the same body" - thats put it in a nutshell Munchroom, thats exactly how I feel about my illness. I very much relate to what your doctor said about anxiety turning to anger too, the first sign I get that my depression is coming back is angry outbursts over silly trivial things
your right there... im usually such a placid person but when im feeling down i will have a go about absolutely anything, even somethin trivial like the colour of my tea ha ha
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I think when we are depressed firstly we have to acknowledge that we are suffering from the horrible illness then tackle it, often we need to do it ourselves and not be told by well meaning people that have no idea what its like what we should do to feel better.
Here we may be given advice or told we are something we dont believe we are but at least its coming from people that understand our illness and how we feel and I for one have to take notice if people in here tell me something about me that I really dont feel is true
Hope that makes sense?!
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when I first really began to notice my depression I really was a horrible person but it was like I was somebody else doing all these awful things. I tried to hide my depression from everyone for almost three years and along the way I lost almost everyone I cared about and the only people I had left were my family because they had to be there however I even nearly lost them at one point and that was really hard.
I am similar to Zaf in the fact that if somebody that has never experianced depression in their life comes along and starts blabbering on and giving me advice about my depression then I tend not to take much notice and it makes me quite mad as they don't understand that their is no quick fix. the only people that I feel I can take advice off are my family because they know me so well, my psychiatrist and people that have been through or are going through depression which is why this forum helps.
smirfy
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Guys, my ex said that she felt 'inferior' to me because I was such a strong person. I don't think I AM a strong person, it's just that if there is a problem, I'll step up! (in the absence of anyone else stepping up - ie my partner), so if I WAS a strong person, it's because I had to be because she wasn't helping, so SHE made me that way?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!
How do you interpret that???
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Lol, you are a strong person but I cant imagine why your ex should think or say she feels inferior; I am convinced she is still either depressed and/or confused about her feelings.
Whatever the reason its desperately hard on you :(